How Not to Learn Hobbies
by TailsLovesCosmo
Summary: Cosmo is a space alien, so she doesn't know anything about sports or hobbies on Mobius. Amy volunteers to be her teacher. But Amy's a lousy teacher, and Cosmo just doesn't seem to get it. Each chapter, Amy will try to teach Cosmo a sport or hobby.
1. Chapter 1: Anyone For Tennis?

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter One

ANYONE FOR TENNIS?

"Okay, Cosmo," Amy Rose said at the tennis court, "ready to play?"

"Um…I don't really think so," Cosmo said, staring at her racket like she'd never seen anything like it before. Since she was a space alien, she probably hadn't.

"It's easy," Amy said. 'Go stand over there. Okay? Here it comes!"

Amy hit the ball. Cosmo swung wildly. She missed the ball. Unfortunately, the ball didn't miss her.

Bonk!

"Ow!"

"Okay, let's try that again!" Amy said. She hit the ball to Cosmo again.

Bonk!

"Ow!"

"Hit the ball, Cosmo!" Amy yelled, delivering a third time.

Bonk!

"Ow!"

"Not with your head! Amy yelled.

"Here, " Cream said, stepping onto the court. "I'll help you, Cosmo!"

But Amy had already hit the ball again. Cosmo swung, not knowing Cream was right behind her.

Bonk!"

"Ow!" Cream yelled. The netting on Cosmo's racket broke, and Cream was suddenly wearing it as a necklace.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Cream!" Cosmo said. The ball, which had missed Cosmo for once, hit the fence and flew back, smacking Cosmo right in the back of the head.

Bonk!

"Ow!"

Cosmo fell, grabbing onto something, anything, to break her fall. She managed to grab the broken racket, just as Cream was putting her hands through it to pull the racket off. The two girls fell on the ground. They now both had both arms through the racket, besides Cream's head.

"Ow!" both girls cried.

"Uh oh," Cosmo said, "I think we're stuck!"

They both pulled.

"Ow!" Cream cried.

"Ow!" Cosmo cried.

"Here," Tails said, "I'll get you both loose!"

Unfortunately, Tails was so worried about helping Cosmo, he didn't notice the ball until he stepped on it. He fell on the girls.

"Ow!" he cried. "I'm sorry!" Tails cried. He started to stand up. "Hey! What…?" He now had one of his tails also jammed into the racket.

"Ow!" Cream yelled. "Tails!"

"I think my circulation's being cut off!" Cosmo cried.

"Here," Amy said, "I'll help you guys!" Amy grabbed the racket.

"Hey!" Tails cried, as Amy lifted him off the ground.

"Oh, hush," Amy said. She tried to reach her hand in to pry Tails free.

And that was how Amy got stuck.

"What the…? Sonic! Stop laughing and taking pictures, and get us out of this mess!"

"Just a minute, Amy," Sonic said, laughing. "Someday we'll all look back on this and laugh!"

"Maybe you will!" Amy screamed. "You're not stuck!"

"Ow! You're yelling in my ear!" Cream said.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Knuckles yelled, stomping over to them. He grabbed the racket and crushed it in his strong grip.

"Oh!" Cosmo cried. "Thank you so much, Knuckles! I couldn't feel my arms anymore!"

"Here, let me rub your hands," Tails said.

Sonic was still laughing.

"Think it's funny, huh?" Amy demanded. Suddenly, there was a pico-pico hammer in her hands.

"Now, now, Amy," Sonic said, "see it from my point of view!"

"I'll give you a point!" Amy yelled, rushing at him. "On the top of your head!!!"

He started to run. Amy was right behind him. Since he was in a fenced-in area, it was difficult to pick up any real speed.

"Jerk!" Amy yelled.

Bonk!

"Ow!" Sonic yelled.

"Creep!"

Bonk!

"Ow!"

"Moron!"

Bonk!

"Ow! Cut it out, Amy!" Sonic yelled.

Bonk!

"Ow! I mean it!"

Bonk!

"Ow!"

And that's why, if you invite Cosmo to a game of tennis, she'll politely but firmly say "No thanks!"

THE END


	2. Chapter 2: Cosmo Picks Up a Spare

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Two

"Cosmo Picks Up a Spare"

"Okay, Cosmo," Amy Rose said one day, "tennis obviously isn't your game."

"Tell me about it!" Cosmo moaned.

"So today we'll try bowling!"

Once at the bowling alley, Cosmo promptly tried the heaviest ball in the building.

Crash! The ball fell to the floor, and Cosmo went right with it.

"Okay," Amy said, "that ball is too heavy for you. Here, try Cream's."

Cream was smaller than Cosmo, so that seemed like a good idea. But Cream was a lot stronger than she looked. Cosmo could barely lift it. "I think I need something lighter, Amy!" she said.

"Man, Cosmo," Amy complained, "even Tails can use that ball, and he's a wimp!"

"Hey!" Tails said.

"Hay's for horses, grass is free, buy a farm, and you get all three!" Amy said. "Chris' grandfather taught me that." She turned back to Cosmo. "Now let's get you something you can use!"

They finally managed to find Cosmo a bowling ball that wouldn't throw her when she tried to throw it. Amy led Cosmo, Tails, and Cream to the alley. Sonic had been invited, but had remembered what had happened at the tennis court, and had disappeared early that morning.

"Now, watch, Cosmo," Amy said. "We'll all show you what to do." Amy threw her ball first. Six pins went down. "Now bad!" she said. She tossed her ball again. Three more pins fell, but one didn't even wobble!"

"Doggonit!" Amy yelled. "Okay, Cream, your turn."

Cream knocked down three pins, then threw a gutter ball. "I'm not very good at this," she admitted to Cosmo.

Tails ended up knocking down seven pins. "Don't get nervous, Cosmo," he said, "but it's your turn."

"Oh dear!" Cosmo said. She pulled her arm back to throw the ball. It flew off her hand.

"Hit the dirt!" Amy yelled as the ball went flying. It hit the claw machine.

Ding! Ding! Ding! A purple teddy bear fell out of the claw machine.

"Hey, Cosmo!" Cream cried . "You won!"

"I wasn't even playing that game!" Cosmo said, embarrassed. "Is everybody okay?"

"Here you go, Cosmo!" Cream said, handing Cosmo the teddy bear.

"Um…thanks?" Cosmo said.

"Try to hold onto the ball this time!" Amy complained when Cosmo got back with her ball and bear.

Cosmo threw the ball. It went straight into the gutter.

"Well, that happens all the time," Cream said. "Try again."

Cosmo threw the ball. It went straight into the gutter.

"Okay," Tails said, "next time, try moving more to the left."

"Yeah," Amy said, "I think you're throwing your arm to the right."

On Cosmo's next turn, she stood on the far left side of the alley. Unfortunately, she also tried to avoid moving her arm to the right. It went so far left, her ball went down the next lane.

"Hey!" the guy bowling in the next lane said.

"I'm sorry, Mister!" Cosmo cried. "Maybe I should quit before I cause another disaster!"

"Don't be such a wimp!" Amy said. "Now get your ball, and try again!"

Gutter ball.

"I think my ball hates me," Cosmo said.

"Good grief, Cosmo!" Amy cried. "You already talk to trees and bushes and flowers! Don't go start talking to inanimate objects now!"

"Sorry," Cosmo said. She threw her ball. One pin fell down. "Oh, finally!" Cosmo sobbed. "May I please quit while I'm ahead?"

"Permission denied!" Amy said. "We're bowling ten frames, and we have eight to go!"

Cosmo hugged the teddy bear she'd just sort of won while she waited for her turn. She was so worried, she promptly threw the bear down the alley instead of the ball.

Strike!

"Cosmo!" Amy yelled. "I don't know what game _you're playing, but it sure isn't bowling!"_

_The next several frames went more or less smoothly. By the ninth frame, Amy's score was 116, Tails' was 98, and Cream's was 85. Cosmo's was 38, and that even counted her teddy bear strike._

"_It's okay, Cosmo," Cream said as the Seedrian went up to throw the ninth time. "The first time I played, I only bowled 42."_

_Cosmo made her twelfth gutter ball, then knocked down five pins._

"_There, you see!" Cream said happily. "You just beat my first game by one point, and you still have one more turn!"_

_Amy's final score was 130, Tails' was 106, and Cream's was 91. Cosmo threw her first time. Gutter ball._

"_That's thirteen!" Cosmo said. "I hope that's not a bad omen!"_

"_Just don't panic," Amy said. "When you panic, you do stupid things."_

"_You can do it, Cosmo!" Cream cried._

"_We believe in you!" Tails added._

_Cosmo threw the ball. Unfortunately, she was so nervous, she barely tossed it, and it stopped before it reached the pins. Then it started to roll back._

"_Try it again, Cosmo!" Amy yelled._

_The ball knocked over the rest of the pins._

"_You picked up a spare!" Amy cried._

"_Oh dear," Cosmo said. "Is that bad?"_

"_It means you get to go one more time," Tails told her._

"_But, I thought that was my last time," Cosmo said. She was now really confused._

"_Throw the ball already!" Amy yelled._

_So Cosmo threw the ball for the last time._

_She got one pin._

"_Too bad," Amy said. "Get your ball while I figure out your final score."_

_Cosmo picked up the ball. Unfortunately, the laces of her bowling shoes hadn't been fastened properly, and had come untied. She tripped on her shoelaces, dropping the ball. It landed right on Amy's foot._

_Ka-Runch!_

_Amy shrieked in agony._

"_Oh! Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry!" Cosmo cried. "How can I ever make it up to you?"_

"_Put your head right there," Amy said, pointing at the table where she had been keeping score._

"_Cosmo, no!" Tails and Cream both shouted. _

_Too late. Bam! Amy konked her with her pico-pico hammer._

_When Cosmo woke up, Amy and Cream were both gone. Tails was applying a wet cloth to her head. "Wha-where's Amy? And Cream?"_

"_Cream helped Amy home," Tails said, checking the bump on Cosmo's head. "I think she's be okay in a couple of days. How do you feel?" He ran some tests to make sure she didn't have a concussion._

"_Tails?" Cosmo said as she and Tails left the bowling alley. "Did Amy say anything when she left?"_

"_Only that you should stay away from her for awhile," Tails said. "I'd do that if I were you. Why?"_

"_Well, I was just wondering…" Cosmo trailed off. "Never mind. It doesn't matter."_

"_What is it?" Tails asked. "Go ahead. You can ask me anything."_

"_Well, I was just wondering…" Cosmo said again. "Um…"_

"_Yes, go on," Tails urged her._

"_What was my final score?"_

_The End_

_Next time, Amy takes Cosmo to miniature golf. What can go wrong?_


	3. Chapter 3: Fore!

How Not to Learn Hobbies

Chapter Three

"Fore!"

"Okay, Cosmo," Amy said, "here we are!" They were just entering a golf course with Tails and Cream.

"Um, what do I do?" Cosmo asked nervously. She hadn't had much luck with sports so far.

"Just watch me," Amy said. They walked down to the first hole. Amy set her ball down. She swung her club back, nearly hitting Cosmo, who had been staring at her curiously. "Cosmo! Are you trying to get clobbered?!"

"N-no, Amy," Cosmo said. "Sorry."

Amy rolled her eyes. Then she swung her club back again. "Fore!" She hit the ball. It flew threw the air, landing with a bounce near a hole with a flag that said "1" on it. "Got it now, Cosmo?" Amy asked.

"Uhh…"

"Tails, Cream, you two go ahead of her," Amy said. "Watch them, Cosmo, but don't get too close!"

Tails' ball hit a tree and ended up nearly where he'd started. Cream's ball his Tails' ball, knocking it into another tree.

"Oops! Sorry, Tails!" Cream said.

"That's okay," Tails said. He was only coming along because Cosmo needed support. Amy's fuse was getting shorter all the time.

"Okay, Cosmo," Amy said, "you're next."

"Oh dear!" Cosmo said. She swung her club and missed her ball.

"Try again, Cosmo!" Tails said.

Cosmo swung a second time. The ball fell off the tee. She swung a third time. She missed the ball, but she did tear a clump of grass and dirt out of the course.

"Oh no!" she cried. "I tore a hole in the ground!" She got down on her knees, and tried to replant it.

"That's just a divot," Amy said. "It happens sometimes. Try again."

"But I've damaged the ground!" Cosmo sobbed. "I have to get grass seed and repair it!" She started off. Amy grabbed her by the collar.

"Somebody'll take care of it!" Amy said. "Hit the ball!"

Cosmo tapped it gently. It went a few feet.

"Harder, Cosmo!" Amy yelled.

Cosmo swung her club with all her might. Unfortunately, her hands were sweaty by now. The club went flying right off the course.

Crash!

"Uh oh!" Cream said.

"My new car!" Amy cried. "Cosmo, you threw your club right through the windshield!"

"I'm sorry, Amy!" Cosmo sobbed. "I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, Cosmo!" Tails said, putting his arm around her. "I'll fix your windshield, Amy!"

"You'd better!" Amy said.

Tails went and got Cosmo's club. After making sure there were no pieces of broken glass on it, he returned it to her.

"I ought to have my head examined, not stopping this now!" Amy cried. "But let's see if you can improve! Hold onto the club, and try again, you doofus!"

This time Cosmo's ball went flying. It hit Tails' ball, sending it crashing into yet another tree.

"I'm sorry, Tails!" Cosmo cried.

"That's okay," Tails said.

At the fifth hole, Cosmo's ball ended up in the sand trap. "What do I do now?" she asked.

"Go in there and knock it out!" Amy said.

So Cosmo climbed into the sand trap. She swung and missed. Sand flew up all around her.

"One," Amy said.

Cosmo swung again. Again she missed. Again sand flew up all around her.

"Two!" Amy said.

Cosmo swung again. Again she missed. This time, sand got in her eyes. "Ow!" she cried. She dropped her club and started staggering about. She walked around in circles for a minute, then finally climbed out of the sand trap. She walked into Amy, stepping on her foot.

"Ow!" Amy yelled. "Watch it, Cosmo!"

"I can't!" Cosmo sobbed. "I can't see!"

Tails helped Cosmo to the drinking fountain and rinsed her eyes out. "Thank you, Tails," Cosmo said.

"Don't mention it," Tails said.

Cosmo sighed. "Do I have to go back in the sand trap?"

"I'll just put down 'six'," Amy said.

The next problem came at the twelfth hole. Cosmo's ball fell in the water trap.

"Oh well," Amy said, "I'll just put down 'six' again, and…Cosmo! What are you doing?!"

Cosmo had kicked off her shoes and was wading through the water trap. "Trying to find my ball," she told Amy.

"She's a plant," Cream pointed out. "She loves water."

"Yeah, but isn't that recycled water?" Tails asked. "Cosmo, get out of there!"

"Just a minute!" Cosmo cried. "I've found my ball!" She swung. Splash!

"Oh good grief!" Amy said. She walked to the edge of the water trap. "Get out of there, nitwit!"

"What?" Cosmo called, swinging again. Splash! She got Amy right in the face.

"Cosmo!" Amy sputtered. "Get out of there NOW!" She was so furious, you could practically see flames all around her.

"Wait! I think I got it!" Cosmo cried. Splash! She got Amy in the face again. "No, I don't got it!"

Amy now had a pico-pico hammer in her hands. A vein stood out in her forehead. Cream put her index fingers against the side of her head. This, of course, meant that Amy was now "hopping mad."

"Once more!" Cosmo cried, oblivious to her danger. Splash! The ball went flying. "I did it!" she cried. "I did it!"

"Lucky shot!" Amy said through gritted teeth. She started to turn away, slipped on the damp ground, and fell into the water trap. Splash!

"Oh! Amy" Cosmo cried. She had stepped out of the water trap. She walked over to the water's edge and held her hand out. "Here, Amy! Let me pull you out!"

Amy grabbed Cosmo's hand and pulled. Splash! Cosmo went back in.

Finally, they reached the last hole. Amy, Tails, and Cream had all finished. That just left Cosmo. She hit the ball. It whizzed across the ground, just missing going in.

"Oh! So close!" Cream said. "Too bad, Cosmo!"

"Try again!" Tails cried.

Cosmo hit the ball. It skipped across the hole, just missing again.

"Try to do something right for a change!" Amy said.

Cosmo finally knocked the ball into the last hole. "Oh! Thank goodness!"

Tails and Cream hugged her. "Good job!" Tails cried.

"We knew you could do it!" Cream added.

"Let's get out of here before anything else goes wrong!" Amy said. She returned her club. "Give me yours, Cosmo!"

"Here you go, Amy," Cosmo said. She tripped on a pebble. "Whoops!" Cosmo's club went flying as she fell.

Crash! "My car!" Amy screamed. "You couldn't have hit the windshield again, could you? Nooo! You had to hit a window now!"

"I'm so sorry!" Cosmo sobbed. "It was an accident!"

"Yeah?" Amy said, pico-pico hammer in hand again. "I think I'm about to have an accident too!"

"Run, Cosmo!" Tails and Cream shouted.

Cosmo ran, Amy right behind her. Tails and Cream looked at each other, moaned, then took off flying after them. Tails flew Cosmo home.

"I'm sure Amy will be over her anger once I fix her car," Tails told Cosmo a little while later.

"I'm sure you're right," Cosmo said, looking out the living room window. "How long do you think she's going to stand outside, smacking her hand with her hammer?"

"I don't know," Tails admitted, "but I think you should stay inside away from windows for awhile."

"Come on, Cosmo!" Amy said sweetly, still smacking her hand. "Come on outside! I promise I won't hurt you!"

"Well, if she promises," Cosmo said, opening the door.

"Cosmo…No!" But it was too late.

Bam!

"That felt good!" Amy said. "Friends again?"The

"Which one of you Amies said that?" Cosmo asked.

"Oh, Cosmo!" Amy said, helping the Seedrian to her feet. "I just can't stay mad at you. You're so funny!"

"Thanks, I think," Cosmo said. "Can I interest you in a cup of tea?"

"Sure," Amy said. They went inside. Amy put down her hammer. Cosmo poured her tea.

"Here it is!" Cosmo said. "Careful, it's hot!"

"Cosmo!" Tails cried. "Look out for…"

Too late. Cosmo tripped on Amy's hammer. The hot tea splashed all over Amy.

"COS-MOOO!"

"Run?" Cosmo asked Tails.

"Run!" Tails cried.

And away they went again.

The end of chapter three

Next chapter, Amy tries to teach Cosmo to play Dungeons & Dragons. No rackets, balls, or clubs there, just paper, pencils, dice, and small figures. Surely nothing can go wrong this time, right? Right?


	4. Chapter 4: Dungeons & Disasters

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Four

"Dungeons and Disasters"

"Okay, Cosmo," Amy said, "let's try something that doesn't require anything but sitting in a chair."

"Well, that's a relief," Cosmo said. "What are we doing today? Sewing? Basket weaving?"

Amy led Cosmo, Tails, Knuckles, and Cream to a table. On it were several books, some paper, and a large map. "We're going to play Dungeons and Dragons!" she said.

"I don't think my mother would approve of this game," Cream said, staring at the picture of a demon holding a woman in his hand.

"Where _is _that Sonic?" Amy demanded. "He's been avoiding me lately."

"Probably because you keep hitting him with that hammer of yours," Knuckles muttered.

"What was that?!?" Amy said, pico-pico hammer suddenly in hand.

"Nothing, Amy," Tails said. He looked at Knuckles as if to say, "Are you looking for trouble?"

"Okay," Amy said, motioning for everyone to sit down. "I drew up characters for everybody, so we wouldn't have to spend too much time getting started. Tails, you're a wizard."

"Um…my uncle's a wizard," Tails said, "I just know mechanical engineering."

"Quiet!" Amy said. "Cream, you're a cleric."

"A what?" Cream asked.

"A healer," Amy explained. "Your job is to heal your friends' wounds."

"That sounds nice," Cream said, staring at her paper.

"Knuckles," Amy said, "you're a barbarian."

"Right," Knuckles said. He flexed his biceps. "Arrgh! Feel my wrath!"

"And Cosmo," Amy said, "obviously, you're a druid. A nature priestess."

"Um…okay," Cosmo said uncertainly. "Uh…what do these letters and numbers mean?"

"Well, basically, it means you're wise, but kind of puny, while Knuckles' means he's powerful, but kind of duhh!"

"Hey!" Knuckles yelled. "I resent that implication!"

"Stay in character, you ninny!" Amy said. "And _I_, of course, will be your humble Dungeon Master. Which means you'll do as I say or else!"

"Oh yeah," Knuckles said, rolling his eyes, "you sure sound humble!"

"Don't make me hit you with a tenth level spell!" Amy said, gesturing magically.

"Wait," Tails said, "I've played this before. I thought spells only went up to ninth level."

"I'm the Dungeon Master!" Amy insisted. "I can use 20th level spells if I want to!"

"Come on!" Knuckles said. "Let's get going and start killing things!"

"Wait!" Cosmo cried. "This is a killing game? I don't think I want to play, Amy!"  
"Me neither!" Cream said, standing up.

"Sit down," Amy said, much too quietly. "Shut up. Stay in character. Or I'll show you what it feels like to get hit by a magic hammer for real." She smiled nearly from ear to ear. That was one scary smile.

"Okay," Amy said, once everyone had been scared into obeying her. "You meet in a bar."

"I don't drink!" Tails said.

"My neither!" Cosmo said.

"My mom would kill me!" Cream said.

"I was an extra large!" Knuckles said.

"Quiet!" Amy told them. "You meet in a bar. Tails, the wizard who taught you magic died and left a great treasure under his castle. You tried to get to it, but it's guarded by his monsters. You've come to the bar looking for adventurers to help you."

"Um…we'll split everything equally four ways, okay?" Tails asked.

"Don't say 'okay,'" Amy told him. "Anachronisms drive me crazy in this kind of story."

"Oh yeah," Knuckles said, "like this one kung fu movie, this guy keeps telling everybody he's Jackie Chan, and everybody keeps saying 'No you're not!" And he says 'No, I'm the other Jackie Chan!' And then they have these two imperial castle guards walk by, and one says, 'Yeah, I used to watch game shows, but now all they have on are talk shows, and it's like the 14th century Earth!"

"Argh!" Amy cried. "That movie drove me crazy! Now answer Tails' request. In character."

"Uh…sounds good to me! As long as I get to slash things with my double-bladed axe and throw money up in the air!" Knuckles said.

"You have a sword!" Amy argued.

"I sold it for an axe!" Knuckles said.

"Wait," Cosmo said, "if I'm a nature priestess, why do I want money? Don't I just live in the forest and drink dewdrops?"

"You need money to buy seeds to reseed your forest," Amy said, thinking fast.

"Why, what happened to my forest?" Cosmo asked. She looked at the dice. "Oh, look, Cream! They're really sparkly!"

"They're so pretty!" Cream said. She held two up to her eyes. "You are in my power!"

Giggling, Cosmo held her hands up. "Yes, Master!" Her hand bumped Amy's arm while she was writing something down. Amy poked her other hand with her pen.

"Ow! Cosmo! Cream! Behave yourselves!" Amy yelled.

"Oh!" Cosmo cried. "I'm so sorry, Amy!"

"Me too, Amy!" Cream said.

"Let's just play the stupid game already!" Amy said, holding her wounded hand. She picked up the paper she'd been writing on. "Ah! Paper cut!"

"Oh, I hate those!" Cream said. "They don't look like much, but they really hurt!"

"Let's skip to when you get to the castle," Amy said. "Soon as I put a bandage on this."

They got to the castle. "Okay," Amy said.

"You said not to say 'okay,' Amy," Cosmo pointed out.

"I'm not in character, now," Amy said, "I'll tell you when I'm in character! Okay, I'm in character! You enter the castle. Spider webs cover the walls. Dust lies everywhere. You pass the rotted remains of what was once a wooden table."

"Rest in peace, elder," Cosmo said. She folded her hands in prayer.

"What are you doing?" Amy demanded.

"Praying for the tree that died to make that table that's now died as well," Cosmo said.

Amy's left eye started to twitch. "Okay, back to the game. You hear a sound like dripping water from around the corner. Crossing the great room, you find stone steps leading down. Do you go down the steps?"

"Do we have to?" Cream asked. "Sounds scary!"

"Hah!" Knuckles said. "I heft my trusty axe and start down the steps!"

"Everybody take a twenty-sided die and roll your dexterity score or less," Amy said.

"What's my dexterity score?" Cosmo asked. "Wait. Is that what 'Dex' stands for?"

"That's it," Amy said. "Everybody roll now!"

Everyone rolled a d20. "Everybody succeeds except Knuckles," Amy said.

"Wait!" Knuckles cried. "What does that mean?"

"It means you slip on the slippery steps and fall down the stairs," Amy said.

"I what?!?" Knuckles yelled.

"Poor Knuckles!" Cream cried. "Don't worry. When you stop bouncing down the stairs, I'll heal you."

"Hey, that's great," Knuckles said. "Can I leave now?"

"No!" Amy yelled. "You just fell down the stairs! Now lay there and bleed!"

"Ok--all right," T ails corrected himself, "we climb down the steps. Cream helps Knuckles up. What do we see?"

"You see a large room made of stone, about thirty feet by thirty feet square," Amy said.

"Wait," Tails said, "how do we know how big it is? Am we measuring everything? With what?"

"Don't get too detailed here!" Amy said. "You see a wooden door at the end of the room. The dripping sound comes from the other side. What do you do?"

"Easy!" Knuckles yelled. "I chop it down with my trusty axe!"

"Oh spirit of the door," Cosmo said, praying again, "please forgive your shattering."

"Too much in character, Cosmo!" Amy said. "Knuckles, roll a ten or higher to knock down the door."

"Twenty!" Knuckles yelled. "Ka-boom!"

"You hit the door so hard, you lose your balance and fall in. The water is dripping from the ceiling. A lot . In fact, the floor is underwater!"

"Hey!" Knuckles yelled. "You're doing this to me on purpose!"

"Don't worry," Cosmo said, "I'm a great swimmer. I'll dive in and pull you out!"

"The flooded room is about twice as big as the room you were just in," Amy said. "There's broken furniture all over the floor. You can see a treasure chest against the far wall. It's about twenty feet underwater."

"I can swim out there," Cosmo said, "but I'm not strong enough to pull the chest out."

"I can swim!" Knuckles said. He looked at his paper. "Hey! How come it says I can't swim?"

"I…ah…intended that character for Sonic, but he didn't show up," Amy admitted. "When you said you'd come I didn't think to develop a new character for you."

"Well, thanks for nothing, lady!" Knuckles said.

"What are my spells?" Tails asked. "Is there anything I can do to move the treasure? Or dry up the water? Pyrotechnics? Fireworks aren't going to help much! Wait. What's this magic disc?"

"It can move the treasure chest," Amy said, "but you're too far away for it to work. You'll have to get closer." Amy grinned.

"I don't like it when you smile like that, Amy," Cosmo said. She turned to Tails. "Don't worry, Tails. I'll swim out there with you to make sure you're all right."

"Ok--all right," Tails said, "we swim out to the treasure chest. I cast my magic disc. So now we take the treasure chest and get out of here, right?"

"Wait a minute!" Knuckles demanded. "Where the heck are the monsters?!?"

Amy rolled several dice. "As you're setting the chest on the magic disk, Tails, something grabs your ankle. You see a scaly green hand with long, curving nails. Sea ghouls!"

"Sea ghouls?!?" everybody chorused.

"Poor lost souls," Cosmo said, folding her hands again, "I'll say a prayer for your spirits to rest in peace."

"Another hand grabs your arm," Amy said. "What do you do?"

"Get the heck out of here!" Tails cried.

"I scream?" Cosmo asked.

"I run around in circles yelling, 'I want my mommy!'" Cream said.

"I dive in with my magic axe!" Knuckles yelled.

"Doofus!" Amy yelled. "You still can't swim!"

"Tails!" Cosmo cried. "Set the magic disc under Knuckles so he can fight them!"

"Good idea, Cosmo!" Tails said.

"I hack and chop and hack and chop and hack and chop and…"

"That's enough hacking and chopping, Knuckles!" Amy yelled. "Sheesh!"

"Did I get them all?" Knuckles asked.

"No!" Amy said. The two that grabbed Tails and Cosmo are pulling them towards a door deep underwater!"

"I shoot pyrotechnics in my ghoul's face!" Tails said.

"He puts his hands over his eyes," Amy says, "you're free!" She turned to Cosmo. "Cosmo? What do you do?"

"Um…I…summon vines to grab the ghoul and pull him off of me?" Cosmo asked.

"You can't do that!" Amy said. "It's not one of your powers!"

"It is so!" Cosmo cried.

"I'm the DM, and I say you can't do it, you nut job!"

"Don't call me names, Amy!" Cosmo yelled. "I'm doing my best here!"

"Well your best is lousy!" Amy said. "You all stink at this! Knuckles really is stupid!"

"Hey!" Knuckles yelled.

"Cream's one bit of creativity didn't make a bit of sense!"

"I thought I was being very imaginative," Cream said. "I'm making money for my mother, you see, because she's poor and needs the mon…"

"Quiet!" Amy cried. "Tails may be smart in the lab, but he's a ninny in a game!"

"Say what?" Tails cried.

"Amy, apologize," Cosmo said.

"And you're the worst!" Amy said, holding out her hand. "Look! You got me so shook up, I just crushed my paper, and got another paper cut! And it really stings!"

"That's not my fault!" Cosmo said, standing up. "I only caused you to get that first paper cut, and stick yourself with your pen. You can't blame me for that second paper cut!"

"I'm the Dungeon Master!" Amy yelled. "I can blame you for anything!"

"Stop waving that paper in my face!" Cosmo cried, grabbing it from Amy.

"Ow!" Amy cried. "Look! See? Don't you tell me _this _paper cut isn't your fault!"

"I'm sorry!" Cosmo cried. "I'm sorry! I just wanted to help!"

"And I say you can't make vines obey you, even if you can, you weird, alien, space plant…thingy!"

Crash! Vines burst out of the floor, lifting all of them nearly to the ceiling.

"Ahhh!" Amy yelled. "My floor! Cosmo, make them go back!"

"Uhhh…I'm sorry, Amy," Cosmo admitted. "I never did learn how to undo this. Um…let go of us, please?" The vines released them. Cosmo floated gently down. Tails spun his tails and caught Knuckles, while Cream flapped her ears and grabbed Amy.

"My living room!" Amy shrieked, looking around. Vines had come up everywhere! "COS-MO!"

"I…think I should be going now," Cosmo said. "I'll…I'll try to get rid of them for you when I…figure out how to do that!" She was edging towards the front door.

"Oh, don't leave yet!" Amy said, pico-pico hammer once again in hand.

"Run, Cosmo!" Tails and Cream yelled.

"I am Thor, god of thunder!" Amy yelled, completely losing it now. She rushed at Cosmo, swinging her hammer. "Feel the wrath of mystic Mjolnir!"

"Huh," Knuckles said, "I never would have pictured her for a Marvel Comics fan!"

"Stop running, Loki!" Amy shrieked, throwing her hammer. Cosmo jumped over it. "For Odin! And for Asgard!" She threw another hammer.

"Oh cool," Knuckles said, "we broke her brain!"

Tails flew overhead. He swooped down, grabbed Cosmo, and they took off into the sky.

"You've got to come back some time!" Amy yelled, throwing one last hammer, which fell short.

Yeah, I know. I really should have made Cosmo do more stupid stuff, and Knuckles less, but I just can't take the echidna seriously. Next time, join us for a baseball game. Look out for the ball, Cream! Too late!


	5. Chapter 5: Cosmo Strikes Out

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Five

"Cosmo Strikes Out"

It was a bright sunny day when Sonic talked everyone into playing baseball. It was difficult getting enough people for two teams, but Sonic could be surprisingly persuasive. The two teams ended up:

Sonic's Team: Sonic, Amy, Tails, Cosmo, Knuckles, Rouge, Cream, Mina Mongoose, and Sally Acorn.

Vector's Team: Vector, Espio, Charmy, Mighty, Ray, Julie-Su, Silver, Blaze, and E-123 Omega.

Not surprisingly, Shadow had turned up his nose at the whole idea and disappeared into the wilderness when Amy had invited him to play. "Eh, who needs him?" Amy said.

"Um…how do you play this game?" Cosmo asked. Unfortunately, she was asking Blaze and Silver, who didn't have a clue themselves.

"I…think you hit a flying projectile with a stick, then run around in circles for some reason," Blaze said.

"It this that game?" Silver asked. "I thought it had something to do with jumping."

"I think that's called basketball," Cosmo said. "Knuckles was saying how he can fly when he plays that."

"Knuckles can fly?" Blaze asked. "Since when?"

"I don't know," Cosmo said. "I think that might be slang. My grasp of Mobian is imperfect, I'm afraid."

"Hey, Cosmo!" Amy said. "Stop talking to the enemy!"

"Enemy?" Cosmo cried. "I thought they were friends of yours!"

"Not while they're on the opposing team!" Amy insisted, dragging Cosmo away. Amy took games far too seriously. Always had. She was a sore loser, and an insufferable winner.

"Okay, Sugars," Bunnie Rabbot, who was the referee because she'd damaged one mechanical leg while fighting Eggman, and Tails was still waiting for the parts to fix it to come in. "Let's get this little ol' ball game started, y'all!"

Sonic was up to bat first. He hit a pop fly, but still managed to make a home run.

"Hey!" Vector yelled. "No fair using super powers!"

"Fair shmair!" Sonic said, sticking him tongue out at the croc.

"Oh yeah?" Vector said. "Espio! If Sonic can cheat, so can we!"

Espio was pitching. He nodded, and turned invisible.

"Hey!" Amy yelled. It was her turn at bat. "How the heck am I supposed to hit the ball if I can't see it?!"

"Oh, you can see the ball," Vector said. "As soon as Espio throws it, that is!"

"Stee-rike one!" Antoine Du'Culotte, Bunnie's husband called.

"You're pushing me!" Amy said. She swung again.

"Stee-rike two!" Antoine yelled.

Amy snarled. The ball came at her again.

"Stee-rike…uh oh!" Antoine said. Amy, unable to find Espio to clobber him, was coming at Antoine with her pico-pico hammer. "But ma petite! I am only, how you say, calling zee plays!"

Pow! "Oo! Look at all zee pretty stars!"

"Cosmo!" Amy yelled, coming back. "You're up next!"

"But…what do I do?" Cosmo asked.

"Just hit the ball!" Amy cried.

"Oh, yeah," Knuckles said, "like it was so easy for you!"

Pow! "Anybody else want to make fun of my game?" Amy demanded.

Cosmo went up to the plate. "Um…am I facing the correct direction?" She couldn't see Espio, so she wasn't sure.

"Here!" Espio said, tossing the ball in the air and catching it. "He made his arm holding the ball appear. "Don't worry. I'll go easy on you."

"Stee-rike one!"

"That's easy?" Cosmo said. She'd barely seen the ball fly past her.

"Come on, Cosmo!" Tails cried.

"Stee-rike two!"

"May I go home now, please?" Cosmo asked.

"Hit the stupid ball, ninny!" Amy yelled, jumping up and down.

Cosmo swung. She hit the ball, which flew behind her, and conked Cream right upside the head.

"Oh no! Cream!" Cosmo cried, dropping her bat and racing to her friend. Cream lay on the field, weird smile on her face. "Oh, Cream! Are you okay?"

"My head feels…" she spread her arms wide, "…_this_ big!"

Cosmo, who was a lousy player anyway, volunteered to be nurse until Vanilla, who had had an appointment that day and couldn't watch the game, came to pick her up.

"Cosmo," Cream said, "is my head this big?"

"Hush, dear," Cosmo said, putting a wet cloth on the rabbit's head.

"Hee hee! It's raining!" Cream said as a drop of water ran down her face.

Knuckles was up next. "Try and strike me out, buddy!"

"Stee-rike three!"

Knuckles took a bite out of his bat. He spit it out, then stormed back to the dugout.

"Next up to bat is Miles Prower!" Bunny called.

"That's Tails!" Tails cried. He never did like Miles.

Cosmo was so excited to watch Tails play, she forgot that she was supposed to be watching Cream. She realized her mistake when she suddenly saw Cream walking towards Tails.

"Hey, Tails Miles Power Flower!" Cream yelled. "Are you and Cosmo gonna kiss after the game?"

"What?!?" Tails cried. "How'd you get away from Cosmo?"

"Tails and Cosmo, sitting in a tree…" Cream started to sing. Tails face turned several shades of red.

Cosmo came running up and grabbed her. "Come along, dear! Please don't disturb Tails!"

"Are you and Tails gonna get married, Cosmo?" Cream asked.

Rouge, Mina, and Sally all managed to hit the ball. Rouge even made a home run.

"Naturally," she said, flicking her hair.

"Okay," Vector said, "let me show you guys how it's done!" He spit bubble gum onto the field. "Only losers chew tobacco, kids!"

"Hey!" Knuckles, the pitcher for Sonic's team yelled. "Stop talking to yourself, you nut job!"

"Yeah!" Amy added. "And pick that up, you litterbug!"

"I'm not a bug, I'm a croc!" Vector said.

"I'm a bug!" Charmy said.

"And you guys are driving me buggy!" Amy yelled, pulling at her quills.

Vector got a single, Espio a double, and Mighty a home run. Charmy and Ray both struck out.

"I have no idea what I'm doing here!" Silver said. He swung so hard, he spun completely around twice, then fell on his face.

"Okay," Vector said, "what you just did? Don't do that again!"

Silver struck out. As he returned to the dugout, he was muttering, "What am I doing here? Why didn't I just stay at home? These people are all crazy!"

Blaze missed twice. The third time, she hit the ball, and it crashed right into Knuckles' stomach.

"Woo-agh!" Knuckles yelled, the air totally knocked out of him.

"I'm sorry!" Blaze said.

"Run, you loony!" Vector yelled.

"Loony?!?" Blaze yelled. She threw a fireball at him. He spit flames right back at her.

Bunnie blew her whistle. "Okay, time out! Y'all behave yourselves, or ah'll have to shoot y'all!" Her mechanical hand slid into her robot arm, and she suddenly had a cannon pointing at them.

During all of this, Sonic tossed the ball home. "You're out, Blaze!"

"What?" she said. "I am? What did I do?"

Omega moved to the plate. "Analysis: Object is to strike ball with bat. Conclusion: I must track ball's speed and trajectory. Tracking beginning: Now!"

Pow! Omega's ball went over the fence.

"Observation: Home run! Statement: Yay for me!" He did the robot as he stole home.

"Did you have to reprogram him to be so annoying, Tails?" Amy demanded.

When it was Cosmo's turn at bat again, Amy said, "I'll watch Cream until you strike out, or clobber somebody, or whatever you do next."

"Um, thanks," Cosmo said. "I think."

Cosmo again missed twice. She was nervous, and her hands were sweaty. The third time, the bat went flying through her fingers and flew into the audience, where it conked Dulcy Dragon upside the head.

"Hello, Ma!" Dulcy said as she fell on her face.

"Tails!" Princess Sally yelled. "Do something about your girlfriend!"

"I'm sorry!" Cosmo sobbed. "I'm sorry!" She looked around her. "Oh no! Where's Cream?"

Cream had gotten up again and was staggering over to Dulcy. "Hey Dulcy!" she cried. "My head's this big! How's yours?" She spread her arms as far as they'd go.

"My head's lots bigger than that, Ma!" Dulcy said. She spread her arms out. They very seriously made a comparison.

"You win!" Cream said, as Cosmo dragged her back again.

"My, you sure shrunk, Ma!" Dulcy said.

"Okay," Sally said, "I suggest Cosmo sit out the rest of the game. Nothing personal, you understand. I have to think about other people."

"I understand," Cosmo said. "If there were any other Seedrians left, I'd probably say the same thing."

The game went fairly well after Cosmo was benched. Sure, Blaze was disqualified from pitching the second time she threw a fireball by mistake, and Silver was thrown out for levitating the ball so that he could hit it, but otherwise everything went reasonably smoothly until the ninth inning.

"Ow!" Tails cried, as the ball hit his funny bone. He fell on the field. "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"Tails!" Cosmo cried, running over to him. "Are you all right?"

"I think I'm out of the game!" Tails said. "You'll have to take my last swing."

"Oh dear," Cosmo said, "but didn't your princess throw me out of the game?"

"Oh come on," Amy yelled. "What harm can you do with one last swing?"

Crack! Cosmo smacked Amy with her bat.

"Oh no!" Cosmo sobbed. "Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry! Are you all right?"

"Sonic," Amy said, "let me know what the final score is, okay?"  
"Sure, Amy." Sonic said. Why, do you need to lay down now?"

"No," Amy said, picking up the bat she'd just been hit with. "I'm going to strike out Cosmo! Come here you little alien green plant thingy!"

"Oh no!" Cosmo cried, as she started to run.

"Cosmo!" Tails cried, starting after them. Knuckles grabbed his arm. "Oh no you don't! You're not leaving until you take your turn after me!"

"But Amy might hurt Cosmo!" Tails said.

But Cosmo's luck seemed to take a turn for the best. As she passed Dulcy, the dragon tripped over her own feet and landed on Amy.

Squash!

"Bleargh!" Amy yelled. "Get off me, you fat hippopotamus!"

"Hello, Ma!" Dulcy said, hugging Amy.

"Leggo!" Amy shrieked. "You're squishing me!"  
"Gimme a kiss, Ma!" Dulcy said, smooching Amy.

"Blech! It's like kissing an ashtray! Get up! Get up!"  
"But I don't want to go to school today!"

While Cosmo's befuddled playing cost her team a lot of points, Silver and Blaze, between the two of them, had cost their team even more. Sonic's team ended up winning by a single point.

"That was great!" Sonic said. "We'll have to play again some time! Hey, how 'bout next week?"

Bam! Pow! Crash! Amy, Knuckles, Rouge, and Sally, plus everyone on Vector's team, jumped Sonic.

Cream opened her eyes. "Where am I? Is it my turn at bat yet?" She saw everybody beating up Sonic. "Oh, dear. Looks like the game's over."

"Yeah," Tails said, "we won by one point."

"Yay!" Cream yelled. "We won! We won!" Then she grabbed the side of her head. "Hey, I've got a bump on my head!"

"I'm sorry, Cream!" Cosmo said. "I hit you with the ball."

Sonic staggered over to them. "Medic!" he cried, then fell over.

Sonic did suggest playing another game eventually, but luckily, nobody could catch him.

Next time, Tails offers to give Cosmo driving lessons, but when he's detained, Amy decides to take over the lesson. What can go wrong?


	6. Chapter 6: When Irish Eyes Are Smarting

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Six

"When Irish Eyes Are Smarting"

"Okay," Amy Rose told Cream and Cosmo one day, "today's Saint Patrick's Day, and I'm going to teach ye lasses how to speak Irish! Now, repeat after me: 'Tis a bonnie day today, says I."

"'Tis a bonnie day today, says I," Cream and Cosmo both said.

"What's a bonnie?" Cosmo asked Cream.

"That was the name of the referee in our baseball game," Cream told her. She looked confused. "Only I don't remember much about that game."

"I'm really sorry about that, Cream," Cosmo said.

"Quiet!" Amy said. "Now we'll try a jig." She proceeded to do a complicated dance. Cream was a good imitator, but Cosmo tripped over her own feet, bumping into Cream, who bumped into Amy. The three went down like dominoes.

"Why do I bother to try to teach you anything?" Amy asked Cosmo.

"Uh…because you're my friend, and you feel sorry for me?" Cosmo suggested.

"Yeah, Amy," Cream said loyally, "you're all heart!"

"Can I go now?" Cheese asked, expecting another disaster and not wanting to be there to watch.

"You be quiet!" Amy said. "You're not supposed to talk! Okay, now, I asked each of you to learn an Irish phrase for today. Cream?"

"Uh…" Cream shut her eyes to better remember.

"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

"Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

"All mimsy were the borogoves,

"And the mome raths outgrabe."

"That's Alice in Wonderland!" Amy said.

"No it's not," Cream insisted, "It's Alice Through the Looking Glass. That's not the same thing at all!"

Amy smacked her forehead. "Okay, never mind. Cosmo? I'm afraid to ask but, do you have something to share with us?"

Cosmo folded her hands, shut her eyes, and began to speak in a language neither Amy nor Cream had eve heard before.

"What was that?" Amy asked when she finished.

"Um…Celtic," Cosmo said. "I found it in a library book. It is Irish, isn't it?"

"I forgot your talent for languages," Amy said, "next time I'll be more specific!"

Just then, Sonic came running up. "Hey, Amy!"

"Good morning, Sonic!" Amy cried, stars in her eyes. "Happy St. Paddy's Day! I've been trying to teach these two about today, but they just don't get it!"

"Well, you were so busy teaching them, Amy, you forgot something yourself," Sonic told her.

"You forgot to wear green!" Sonic said. He waved his arm. "Everybody pinch Amy!"

And suddenly, Tails, Knuckles, the Chaotix, Rouge, Silver, Blaze, and even Bokkun jumped out of hiding and started pinching Amy.

"Ow!" Amy yelled. "Hey! Quit it! Ow!"

"Come on, you two!" Tails told Cosmo and Cream. "It's an old Irish tradition!"

Cream looked at Cosmo. Cosmo looked at Cream.

"I suppose if it tradition," Cosmo said.

"Amy did tell us it was important to follow traditions," Cream said.

"Ow!" Amy yelled. "Ow! I'm gonna get you for this, all of you!"

"Ah ah ah!" Rouge said, shaking her finger at Amy. "Hammers aren't Irish!"

Amy concentrated. Suddenly, there was an emerald-hued flash of light. Instead of her pink pico-pico hammer, Amy now held a long oak stick.

"Everybody run!" Tails cried. "She's got a shillelagh!"

"Is that Irish?" Cosmo asked him. Bonk! "Ow!"

Everyone scattered. Amy decided that Cosmo had started her problems, so she went after her. Luckily, the stream was nearby. Cosmo dived in. Amy wasn't that great a swimmer, but she sat down and waited.

"You've got to come out sometime!"

Luckily, after about an hour, Sonic came by, checking to see if Amy had cooled off yet, and she went after him.

"So," Tails asked Cosmo, helping her out of the stream, "how do you like your first Saint Patrick's Day?"

"'Twas brillig!" Cosmo said, having really enjoyed her swim. "I can't wait until next year!"

I know, I said driving next time, but I'm part Irish, and how could I forget today? Driving next time, I promise.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day, everyone!


	7. Chapter 7: You Drive Me Up the Wall!

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Seven

"You Drive Me Up the Wall!"

It was a beautiful day, and Amy and Cream had gone with Cosmo to see Tails, who had promised to give Cosmo driving lessons that day. Tails wasn't there, so the girls decided to wait for him.

And wait.

And wait.

And…"Forget this!" Amy said. "Come on, Cosmo! _I'll_ teach you to drive!"

"Uhh…well," Cosmo said slowly, "I really think I should wait for Tails, Amy. I mean, he's the best driver isn't he?" She noticed the look on Amy's face, and begged, "Please don't hit me!"

"I'm not going to hit you, silly!" Amy assured her. "You're right, Tails is the best driver around. But I'm pretty good myself. Now get behind the wheel!"

So Cosmo got behind the wheel. Cream and Cheese, who really should have known better by now, got in the back seat.

"Automobile?" Cheese said. "Rmmmm! Crash! Wreck! Big wreck!"

"Hush!" Cream said. "And I told you not to watch that movie!"

"Okay, Cosmo," Amy said, "start the engine!"

"Um…okay," Cosmo said. The car started off backwards.

"Stop!" Amy yelled. "Hit the brake!"

The car stopped so suddenly, everyone nearly got whiplash.

"Why is the car in reverse?!" Amy demanded.

"I don't know," Cosmo said, "Why? Is that important?"

"Do you want to keep going backwards?" Amy demanded.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm going through life backwards," Cosmo muttered, but no one heard her.

The second time, Cosmo got the engine running right.

"Good," Amy said. "Now give it some gas."

Nyeeoom!

"Not so fast!" Amy shrieked. "Take your foot off the gas, but don't hit the…" She banged into the glove compartment. "…brake!"

"Maybe I should stop now before something happens," Cosmo said.

"Just…put a little pressure on the gas and the brake from now on," Amy said, rubbing her nose.

"At the same time?" Cosmo asked.

"Of course not, ninny!" Amy said.

Cosmo pouted. "I don't want to do this if you're going to call me names!"

"Will you do this if I threaten to hit you with my pico-pico hammer?" Amy demanded.

"Yes, that I'll do," Cosmo said.

"Good," Amy said. "Now let's try again."

Soon Cosmo was driving down the road verrrrryyy slowly.

"A little more gas, Cosmo!" Amy said.

"Nyeoo…"

"NOT THAT MUCH GAS!!!"

"Sorry!"

They soon came to the mall. "It's closed right now for Eggman repairs, darn it!" Amy said. "But it's a good, large, empty place for you to practice parking in. Let's try parallel parking."

Cosmo parked across two parking spaces.

"Don't be a hog, Cosmo!" Amy said. "Now back up, and try it again!"

Cosmo soon was parked across three parking spaces.

"I don't know what I'm doing!" Cosmo admitted.

It took seven tries in all before Cosmo was parked so that she wouldn't get a ticket when the mall reopened.

"Okay," Amy said, "now back up and try it again!"

"Again?!?" Cosmo sobbed. "I'd like to go home now!'

"Quiet!" Amy said. "Just do it!"

It took three more tries for Cosmo to park straight.

"Okay," Amy said, "now let's drive home the scenic route, and Tails will probably be there waiting for us. Won't he be surprised to see that you already know something about driving?'

Cosmo left the mall, and started back through town. As they were traveling, they came across Shadow, who was, as usual, brooding about Maria. As Cosmo drove by, Shadow decided to forget his troubles with a little race. He ran alongside the car.

"Is that the fastest you can go?" he demanded.

"I'm just learning how to drive," Cosmo said. "I'm taking it nice and slow."

"Well, I've always heard that women drivers are incompetent!" Shadow taunted.

"What?!?" Amy shrieked. "Get him, Cosmo!"

"I don't want to get him!" Cosmo said. But Amy stomped her foot down on Cosmo's foot.

Nyeeooomm! Soon they were doing a hundred miles an hour. Shadow easily raced alongside them.

"Girls sure are slow!" he said, actually starting to enjoy himself.

"Oh yeah?" Amy yelled. She pushed down harder on Cosmo's foot. The car, supercharged by Tails, passed three hundred miles an hour. Four hundred. Shadow still kept pace easily.

"Go home to your knitting!" he called.

"You asked for it!" Amy shrieked. She turned on the special turbo-boosters. The car approached Mach1.

"I want to get now!" Cosmo sobbed.

Shadow, smug in the knowledge that he was still holding back, proceeded to run backwards. "Get a horse!"

"Tails installed an extra special, secret speed booster," Amy whispered. She pressed a red button. The car went super sonic.

"What the…?!?" Shadow yelled. As the car picked up speed, it bounced to the side, hitting him. Bam! Shadow went flying into the lake. He crawled out, and started after the car again. This time, he was mad.

"Oh no!" Cosmo sobbed. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Chaos spear!" Shadow yelled. Crash! There was now a hole in the trunk. He jumped onto the car and tore off the top. "Stop the car!" he yelled.

Cosmo, terrified, hit the brake.

Cosmo, Amy, and Cream banged their heads. Fortunately, Shadow's last attack had just caused the air bags to deploy. Cheese and Shadow, who weren't strapped in, went flying through the new skylight. Shadow landed on his face. Cheese landed on Shadow.

Cosmo hugged Amy and sobbed. "He's gonna kill us now!" Cream reached over the seat and grabbed Amy by the neck. "I never found true love!"

"I can't breath!" Amy yelled.

Shadow spit out concrete as he picked himself off the road. "You girls should be committed!" he said. Having had enough for one day, Shadow took off.

"Cheese! Are you okay?" Cream asked as Cheese rejoined them.

"I bounced three times off of Shadow!" Cheese bragged.

"I told you to stop talking!" Amy said. "Take us home, Cosmo!"

"Gladly!" Cosmo said.

As they approached Tails' home, they went down a large street. A car was passing in the opposite direction. It seemed to be coming right for them on purpose.

"Swerve!" Amy yelled.

Cosmo turned the wheel. The other car passed them.

"Whew!" Cream said.

"Does the road seem suddenly bumpy to you girls?" Cosmo asked.

"You're on the sidewalk!" Amy said. "Get off!"

Just up ahead, they could see Tails place. Tails was standing there, waiting for them.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Cosmo sobbed. "We're almost there!" She was so relieved that the driving lesson was nearly over, and so happy to see Tails again, she speeded up to get there sooner.

"Cosmo, look out!" Cream shrieked. "You'll run him over!"

"Oh no!" Cosmo cried. She took her foot off the gas and tried to hit the brake. But Amy had dropped her pico-pico hammer when they'd hit Shadow. Unnoticed, it had bounced around the whole time, and was now lodged right under the brake. Cosmo couldn't stop!

"Look out, Tails!" she screamed, turning the wheel. She was now headed straight for Tails' house!

"Oh no!" all four of them screamed, bracing for the impact.

Suddenly, the car started to shake. The engine sputtered, and died. They rolled to a stop not six feet from Tails' house.

"What happened?" Cream asked.

"Tails, how did you make the car stop?" Cosmo asked.

Tails hugged Cosmo, relieved that she wasn't hurt, then checked the car. "Um…you ran out of gas."

"Ran out of gas?" Cheese said. "What a cliché ending!" He turned to the camera. "Can you believe that?"

"I told you to stop talking, Cheese!" Amy yelled. "And don't talk to them! You're not supposed to talk to them!" She turned to the camera. "What are YOU looking at?!?"

Next time, it's the big spring carnival! Races, eating contests, art lessons, all kinds of things for Cosmo to louse up! This'll probably be a two-parter, so let me know what you want to see Cosmo do wrong!


	8. Chapter 8: The Spring Carnival, Part One

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Eight

"The Spring Carnival, Part One"

It was the first day of the big spring carnival. Tails went early to pick Cosmo up, and found Amy and Cream and Cheese already with her.

"I've been hearing people talk about this for days," Cosmo said as Tails drove them to the fairgrounds. "But I don't really know what to expect."

"It's great!" Cream said. "It's kind of like Twinkle Park, only instead of big rides, they have little ones, and a lot of other fun stuff. Races and pie-eating contests and everything."

Sonic was already there, munching away on a chili dog. Knuckles, showing an incredible lack of sense, had invited both Julie-Su and Rouge. No, worse! He'd invited Shade as well!

"He asked three girls out to the same place on the same day?!?" Amy cried incredulously. "What a true idiot!! He must have a death wish!"

"Let's not join them," Tails said, not wanting a three--way catfight to ruin Cosmo's first experience of a spring carnival.

Amy led them to a long post. On it was written several descriptions. The first said, "Butter muscles," the second, "Girly Man," the third, "Pretty Good--For A Girl!", the fourth, "He Man," the fifth, "World's Strongest," and, at the very top, "You Belong In A Zoo!" Just above the last phrase was a bell.

"What's this?" Cosmo asked.

"Oh, you hit that weight at the bottom, and find out how strong you are," Amy said. She took the hammer offered to her by a carnie. "Watch this! Hai-yah!"

Clang!

"And the lady wins a cee-gar!" the carnival worker said, handing Amy a pink candy cigar.

"Okay, Cream," Amy said, "you try it!"

"Well, okay," Cream said. "I didn't try any of this stuff last year! I just went on the rides! Oomf!"

Clang!

"And the little lady wins a cee-gar!"

"Let's see you try it, Tails!" Amy said.

Tails blushed. Why was Amy trying to embarrass him in front of Cosmo? But it would be more embarrassing if he refused, so he took the hammer.

"Whoa!" he cried, taking a couple quick steps backwards. This metal mallet was a whole lot heavier than one of Amy Rose's pico-pico hammers! He staggered a couple of steps forwards, then a couple of steps backwards again.

"Oh!" Cosmo cried. "Here, Tails! Let me help you!" She grabbed the end of the hammer. They swung, and…hit Amy's foot.

"Yeow!" Amy screamed. "Can't you two morons do anything right?!"

"I'm sorry, Amy!" Cosmo cried.

"Don't call Cosmo a moron!" Tails shouted.

"Here, let me show you again how to do that right!" Amy said, fire in her eyes. And, suddenly, pico-pico hammer in her hands. She rushed at them. They dived to either side. Amy tripped, and rang the bell.

Clang! Boom! The bell went flying right off the post.

Bong! It hit Cosmo right upside the head. She fell on her face.

"Oh no!" Tails yelled, bending over her. "Cosmo! Speak to me! Say something!"

"Uh…something?" Cosmo said. "I…don't understand why you'd want me to say something."

"She's okay," Amy said. "That's our Cosmo, all right!"

"It's not funny!" Tails said. "Here, let me help you to the nurse's tent."

Cosmo had a bump on her head, but was otherwise fine. They decided to skip any rides that might give her a headache that day, and just look around the arcade area.

"That looks interesting," Cosmo said, pointing to a line of kids who were filling balloons inside of the mouths of painted clowns with hoses. "I love water!"

"Okay," Amy said after scaring everybody else away so they could play this game together, "the object of the game is, whoever fills up their balloon so that it pops first wins!"

"I don't like popping balloons!" Cream said. "It's always sad, and the popping sound is so loud, it's scary!"

"Am I going to have trouble with you too today?" Amy asked.

So Amy, Cream, Tails, and Cosmo all started filling their balloons.

"I'm gonna win!" Amy cried. She was horribly competitive. "I'm gonna…Cosmo! That water's for your balloon! Stop drinking it!"

"But I'm thirsty!" Cosmo said. "This tastes funny, though."

"I think it's recycled water," Tails said, "you shouldn't drink it, Cosmo!"

"Oh," Cosmo said, turning towards him. "Thanks, Tails!" Unfortunately, her hose was now squirting Amy right in the face.

"Hey!" Amy yelled. "Oh, so you want a water fight, do ya?" She squirted Cosmo back. She got Cream in the back.

"Eek!" Cream cried. She squirted Amy.

"Hey, come on, girls!" Tails cried. "You're going to get us thrown out of here!" Sploosh! All three of them squirted him.

"Oh, is that how you want it?" Tails demanded. He managed to get Amy right in the face.

"Oo, you'll pay for that, tail boy!" Amy cried. She held Tails down and soaked him good.

"Hey, you kids!" the carny working this attraction yelled. "Get out of here!" He chased them, but slipped on the wet grass, and slid into the attraction. Amy's nearly full balloon popped right in his face.

Pow!

"Argh! I'm gonna get you kids for this!"

They ran until they couldn't see him. Now they were ring toss game.

"This is fun," Amy said. "You take these rings, and try to throw them over those bowling pins."

"I got a price bowling," Cosmo remembered, "only I wasn't even playing that game!"

"Don't remind me of that day, okay?" Amy said with a fake smile on her face.

"Sorry," Cosmo said.

Amy won a pink keychain. "Cool!" she cried. "I have a little bitty Sonic dolly I got on Earth! I'll place it on this keychain, and then I'll take Sonic every place I go, forever and ever and ever!"

"There she goes again," Tails said.

"You might as well try it, Cosmo. She'll be awhile," Cream added.

Cosmo missed. Then she missed again. Then she missed again. "I don't know what I'm doing!" she finally admitted. She tossed the last ring over her shoulder in disgust. Whack! It hit Amy right between the eyes.

"Oh, you want to have a throwing contest, huh?" Amy demanded.

"No, Amy!" Cosmo cried. "It was an accident!" Amy threw her rings at Cosmo. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Then she threw her keychain.

"Hey, you kids!" the carnie working this attraction said. "Stop throwing…ow!" The keychain smacked him in the nose.

"Hey!" Amy yelled, grabbing it. "That's mine, thief!" Then she realized what she was doing. "Run!"

"We're going to get kicked out of this whole place!" Cream sobbed, as they stopped in front of another throwing game. This one had you knock over milk bottles with baseballs.

"Here, Cosmo," Amy said, handing Cosmo three balls. "Try not to hit anybody with them."

"I am really sorry about that, Cream!" Cosmo said.

"I have only the foggiest idea what you're talking about," Cream said. "Just be careful, okay, Cosmo?"

"Sure," Cosmo said. She missed and missed and missed. "Could we go now, please?"

"Once more," Tails said, handing her three more balls.

"Do you really think it's a good idea to tempt fate like this?" she asked.

"Just throw, dummy!" Amy said.

Cosmo threw once. Missed. Threw a second time. Missed again. She was about to throw her last ball when Cream said, "Look! I can see Big over there!"

Cosmo turned to look just as she was throwing the ball. It hit one of the supports, holding up the tent. The side of the tent the carny worker was standing under fell over him. "Hey, you kids! When I get out of here, I'm gonna…"

They didn't stick around to hear him say what he was going to do. They raced over to the game Big was playing. Like usual, he was holding a fishing rod. He was standing in front of a tank of water.

"Hi, Big!" Cream said. "Hi, Froggy!"

"Duh, hi, guys!" Big called. "Say hello, Froggy!"

"Ribbit!" Froggy said.

"Chao!" Cheese replied.

"What's this game?" Cosmo asked.

"Oh, this is a fishing game, my favorite!" Big said. "You try to catch a toy fish. You get three tries. I've gone six times, and I've won twice!" He held up two little plastic fish. One was pink, the other was orange. "But I'm trying to catch this froggy that I keep missing! It's a slippery little devil!"

"That sounds interesting!" Cosmo said. And before anyone could stop her, she hopped into the fishing tank. Splash! "I got it!" she cried.

Amy smacked her forehead. "You idiot!" she cried. "Get out of there! You're supposed to try to catch those things with a fishing hook!"

"Duh, even I know that!" Big said.

Cosmo was blushing furiously as Tails helped her out of the tank. She slipped, and fell on him.

"Sorry!" she cried.

"I'm okay!" Tails said, even though her elbow was smooshing his nose.

"Okay, let's try this again!" Amy said, handing Cosmo a fishing rod.

Cosmo looked at it. "Um…nobody ever taught me how to fish," she admitted.

"We'll worry about that another day!" Amy said. "Just throw it in the tank."

So Cosmo tossed the fishing rod into the tank. Sploosh!

"Cosmo! Are you doing this on purpose?!?" Amy demanded, fishing the rod out of the water.

"But…you told me to throw it in the tank," Cosmo said.

"Sometimes you take things too literally!" Amy said.

"I'm sorry!" Cosmo sobbed. "I'm not a real expert with your language! I'm sure I'd understand you a lot better if you told it to me in Seedrian!"

"Yeah, Amy," Tails said, smirking. "You're so smart, say something in Seedrian!" It was a complicated language, and Tails knew very little of it, despite Cosmo's weekly lessons. Of course, they didn't really spend all that much time studying.

"Just watch me, Cosmo!" Big said. He cast his line into the tank. Cosmo did the same. Then Amy cast hers. The ends of their lines couldn't be seen now, because there were too many fish in the tank.

Cosmo felt something pull on her line. "I think I got something!" she cried.

"Here," Tails said, "I'll help you reel it in!" They pulled.

"Hey!" Amy cried. "I got something too!" She pulled.

"It must be stuck!" Big said, picking up both Tails and Cosmo and pulling them backwards.

Sploosh! Amy fell in the tank.

"That's not fair!" Cosmo said. "Why can you swim in there, if I can't?"

"Our lines crossed!" Amy sputtered. "You pulled me in!" They could practically see the tank boil.

"Uh oh!" Cream said. "I think you should run, Cosmo!"

"I think so too!" Cosmo said as Amy climbed out of the tank.

"Oh, don't go away so soon!" Amy said, pico-pico hammer suddenly in her hands again.

"Oh no, I can't impose on your hospitality any longer!" Cosmo said, backing away from the hedgehog.

"I insist!" Amy said.

"Um…bye!" Cosmo cried, running.

"Get back here, you little green alien plant thingy!" Amy shrieked.

Amy chased Cosmo halfway across the fairgrounds. She stopped, however, when she saw a familiar blue figure at a food tent, eating a jumbo chili dog with cheese and onions.

"Sonic!" Amy cried.

Sonic got choked. "Oh no! Amy!" He started to run, but he was in a crowded area, and he was full of chili dogs.

"Sonic Sonic Sonic Sonic Sonic!" Amy squealed, chasing him.

"Well, that gets you off the hook for awhile anyway," Cream said once she and Tails had caught up to Cosmo. She and Amy were so fast, they had both had to fly to keep up.

"Maybe I should go home and spend the rest of the day under my bed," Cosmo said.

"Nonsense," Tails assured her. "I'm sure the worst is behind us! "  
"Yeah!" Cream said, hugging her friend. "Nothing but fun from now on!"

"There's Cream!" Bokkun said to himself from the archery game. He forgot what he was doing, and shot the carny worker on that game in the foot.

"Ow! Hey, you little brat!"

"Uh oh!" Bokkun cried, dropping the bow and running right into Cream. "Um…hi! Can I…uh…join you guys? Oh please please please please please!"

"You're Eggman's messenger robot!" Tails cried. "How do we know you're not setting up this place to get demolished by an Eggman attack?"

"I would never let Cream get hurt!" Bokkun cried. "You're mean! WAAAHHH!"

"Oh, please, Tails!" Cream said. "I'm sure he'll be on his best behavior, won't you, Bokkun!"

"Oh yes yes yes!" Bokkun cried, kissing Cream's feet. "Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Oh, let him stay," Cosmo said. "He can't cause as much trouble as I have!"

And so Tails, Cosmo, Cream and Cheese, and Big and Froggy went looking Amy and Sonic. What could go wrong?

If you've been reading these, you know that plenty can go wrong! This is just starting! So don't miss "The Spring Carnival, Part Two." Coming soon!


	9. Chapter 9: The Spring Carnival, Part Two

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Nine

"The Spring Carnival Part Two"

"The eating contest will be beginning in ten minutes!" came a voice over a loud speaker.

"Oh boy!" Big said. "I'm hungry!"

"Me too!" Bokkun cried.

"Well then, let's go to the eating contest!" Cream said. With Amy gone, the little bunny had stepped into the leader position.

"I'll just sit this one out and watch," Cosmo said. "Maybe I won't cause any trouble that way!"

Big and Bokkun both signed up for the eating contest. To their surprise, Sonic was there too. Then they saw why. It was a hot dog eating contest. Even without chili, hot dogs were still Sonic's favorite food.

"Hey, you guys!" It was Amy. "Come to watch my Sonic win, huh?"

"Um, yeah," Tails said as Amy joined them. She seemed temporarily over her latest hissy fit.

"The eating contest will begin in one minute!" came the voice. Sonic, Big, Bokkun, and two other guys, both fatter than Big, prepared to pig out.

Suddenly, the ground trembled. Everyone turned to see a giant robot approaching. Behind it came a weird little flying machine that looked something like a metal saucer on a pogo stick. Seated on it was a very familiar fat man with a ridiculously huge mustache, wearing a red suit.

"Eggman!" Sonic cried.

"Uh oh! The boss!" Bokkun squealed.

"Ho ho ho!" Eggman said. "What's this I hear about an eating contest? Well, I never say no to free food! Let's get this started!"

"Yo!" Sonic cried, pointing at him. "You'd better not try to cause any trouble today, fat man!"

"You don't have the stomach for this kind of contest, boy!" Eggman said, patting his huge belly. "And Bokkun?!? You have got to be kidding me!" Bokkun cringed. Eggman glared at Big. The cat looked as if he'd be his main competition.

"Er…this is highly unusual," the judge said nervously. He became even more nervous when the robot walked over to him. "Uh…eaters…on your marks…get set…GO!!!"

Sonic, Eggman, and Big all proceeded to really make hogs of themselves (well, actually, Sonic already was sort of a hog, but that's another story.) The big surprise, however, was Bokkun. He didn't just eat the hot dogs. He ate the plates, the mustard bottles, and his table cloth!

"What a pig!" Amy yelled. "Come on, Sonic! You can do it!"

But after awhile, Sonic started to look as green as Cosmo. "Oog! I don't feel so good!" He placed one hand on his stomach. "I don't understand! There are hot dogs in front of me, but I don't want 'em!" Sonic suddenly turned around and threw up. The other two contestants had already staggered away.

The contest was now down to Big, Bokkun, and Eggman. Big was moaning. "Oh, Froggy! I don't think I can eat anymore!" He finally got up and fell over, squishing Sonic, who threw up again. On Big. Big responded by throwing up on Sonic.

"Ewww!!!" Tails, Amy, Cream, and Cosmo all cried. They rushed over to roll Big off of Sonic.

"What a maroon!" came from the crowd. Amy looked up to see Knuckles, laughing his head off. "Sonic the barfhog!" Amy rushed at him. Ka-boom!

"Knuckles the Knucklehead!" she cried.

"I'd complain," Julie-Su said to Amy, "but he invited both Rouge and Shade here, besides me!"

The contest was now down to Bokkun and Eggman. The judges had ran out of hot dogs, and were giving them anything they could find. Eggman was now as green as Sonic had been, but his pride wouldn't let him give up. "Got…to…win!" he thought desperately. "Can't be…beaten…by own…messenger…robot!"

As he reached for another tray of food, he weaved sideways. Bokkun, who was sucking everything up like a vacuum cleaner, stuffed Eggman's feet in his mouth without noticing.

"Hey!" Eggman yelled, as he was pulled down Bokkun's gullet. "What the…?" He started smacking Bokkun. "I am your master, and I demand that you stop eating me this instant!!!"

Bokkun's face was now bright purple.

"Oh no!" Cream cried. "He can't breath!" She leaped over to him and gave him the Heimlich maneuver. Eggman shot out into the judges' stand, where he threw up on the judge.

"Bokkun!" Cream cried. "Are you okay?"

"That…(koff!)…tasted…(koff!)…so…(hack!)…nasty!" Bokkun gasped.

"Oh, honestly!" Cream demanded. "What did you think you were doing, trying to eat Doctor Eggman?!"

"It wasn't…my idea!" Bokkun gasped. "It's not…safe to get…too close when…I'm eating!" He suddenly turned around and barfed.

"Ewww!!!" Cream cried.

"Er…the winner!" the judge said pointing to Bokkun. He pulled his finger back as if he were afraid the little whatever he was would try to eat him next.

"Just wait 'til I get you home, you cantankerous collection of clanking junk!" Eggman moaned, holding his stomach. "Well, there goes my new diet! BUURRRRPPPP!!!" He staggered to his eggmobile. He tried to climb in. His stomach made a blooping sound, and he fell in head first. "Hey! What?" The eggmobile took off with him still upside-down. "I am your master, and I demand that you stop embarrassing me! Oo! An M&M on the floor!"

"Sonic!" Amy sobbed. "Are you okay?"

"I feel awful!" Sonic said. "Make the planet stop spinning!"  
"But…if we did that, wouldn't we all fly off from lack of gravity?" Cosmo asked, looking confused.

"Quiet, you!" Amy said. "Tails! Get Sonic some antacid!"

"Yeah, I'll see what I can find!" Tails said. "Come on, Cosmo!"

"Um…the next eating contest will be starting as soon as the area is cleared of rubble!" the judge said. "And…um…hosed down!"

"Why would anyone in their right mind want to be in an eating contest?" Cream demanded. She'd forced Bokkun to sit down on a bench, and was placing a wet napkin on his forehead.

"The next contest will be eating ice cream!" the judge said.

"Ice cream?!?" Cream cried. "Yay!" She raced off to participate.

"You'll be sorry!" Bokkun moaned.

Luckily, Tails and Cosmo came back with a lot of antacid. Cream was laying on a bench next to Bokkun.

"The next contest will be a grape eating contest!" the judge said.

"Surely Knuckles wouldn't compete in that after seeing what happened to his friends!" Cosmo cried. The echidna's love of grapes was well known.

"He'd have to really be an idiot!" Amy said, still fussing over Sonic.

"The winner…Knuckles the Echidna!"

"I won!" Knuckles cried, staggering over to them. "I…" He fell over on his face. "BUUURRRRPPPP!" Rouge, Julie-Su, and Shade all looked at him, then at each other.

"Let's leave stupid here and see the sights!" Rouge suggested to the other two.

"They have a martial arts display at tent 29," Julie-Su said.

"Sounds interesting," Shade said. "I doubt Knuckles will have moved before we get back."

"Heh heh heh!" Knuckles said, as his eyes went around and around and around. "I may be sick, but at least I didn't throw up like you losers!" He shut his eyes. "Wow, I feel lousy!"

"What a true idiot!" Amy cried again.

"I don't like these eating contests!" Cosmo declared. "Someone could get seriously ill! I want all of you to promise you won't do such foolish things again!"

"I promise!" Cream said, raising her hand. "Owie!"

"Me too!" Sonic said.

"SNORRRRE!" That was Knuckles.

"Hey," Bokkun said, sitting up. "You think there are any leftovers lying around?" To everyone's shock and disgust, he went off looking for more food.

"I'm going to have to start hanging out with a higher quality of people!" Amy said.

"Don't yell, Amy!" Sonic said. "I've got a headache!"

"Yeah, me too," Cream said. "Brain freeze!"

"Why don't we end this episode before anything serious happens?" Cheese asked.

"Quiet, you!" Amy yelled, pico-pico hammer in hand. "I'm going to give that judge a piece of my mind for encouraging this sort of dangerous behavior!"

"I'm angry too," Cosmo said. "But violence never solved anything!"

Pow!

"That'll hold 'im!" Amy said, returning. "Now let's get these guys someplace they can recuperate."

Amy, Cosmo, and Tails helped Sonic, and Cream to the nurse's tent. They decided to leave Knuckles sleeping peacefully. He looked too happy and proud of himself to be disturbed.

"I'm surprised, Cosmo!" Amy said. "You actually didn't do anything stupid for a change!"

"Hey!" Tails cried. "Cosmo doesn't do stupid things all the time! I mean…"

"It's okay, Tails," Cosmo said. "I have done a lot of stupid things. But I would never eat like our friends did. I am thirsty, though."

It was hot, and the three friends went to a restaurant for drinks. Tails ordered a huge cup of soda, Amy ordered a pot of tea, and Cosmo ordered a pitcher of water.

"That was so gross," Amy said, daintily sipping her tea with her pinkie extended.

"I can't believe Sonic and Cream would eat like that!" Cosmo said, drinking a glass of water.

"Yeah," Tails agreed, sipping his soda. "Knuckles and Bokkun and Big I can see. It's just a good thing that Eggman's too stuffed to cause any trouble."

"I can't understand people doing that to themselves," Cosmo said, drinking another glass of water.

"Hey, guys!" Sonic called. He was a bit woozy, but he sat down, and ordered a soda. "No solid food for me for awhile!" he assured them. "I think I'll be skipping lunch! BUUURRP! My bad!"

"Goodness, excuse you!" Cosmo said, drinking another glass of water. "You shouldn't indulge so much, Sonic. You could make yourself very sick!" She drank another glass of water.

"Yeah, I'm glad this kind of thing only happens once a year," Sonic said.

"Why is there grass in my hair?" Knuckles asked as he joined them. "And what happened to the babes?"

Pow! "Don't be a pig, Knucklehead!"

"Argh! Stop hitting me, Amy!" Knuckles said, holding his head.

"You shouldn't have invited three girls to the same park on the same day, Knuckles," Cosmo said, drinking another glass of water. "But, Amy, Knuckles is a friend. You shouldn't hit him!"

"Hi!" Cream said, joining them.

"You okay, Cream?" Amy asked. "I don't want to get into trouble with your mother."

"I'm fine," Cream said. "I went looking for Bokkun. He's eating cotton candy as big as he is!" She shook her head. "Sometimes I just don't understand him at all!"

"It's the differences between two people that make love so interesting," Amy said. "Wouldn't you agree, Cosmo?"

"I guess," Cosmo said, drinking another glass of water. "Tails loves machines, I love plants. But we're as close as any two people can be." She took the lid off of her water pitcher. It was empty. "Waitress!" she called. "More water, please!"

"How much have you had, Cosmo?" Amy asked.

"How much what?" Cosmo asked her.

"How much water have you drank since we got here?" Amy demanded.

"Um…one of these?" Cosmo said, holding up the pitcher.

"The races will begin in one hour!" came a voice over the loudspeaker.

"I hope you're all able to run after all of that pigging out!" Amy said. "I want to participate in every one of the races, and I don't want to end up with Tails and Cosmo as my partners for all of them!"

"That's not nice," Cosmo said. The waitress gave her a second pitcher. "Thank you, ma'am!"

"Okay," Amy said, looking at the schedule. "The first race will be with one person on another person's shoulders. Do you feel up to it, Cream?"

"Um…I don't know," Cream said. "I wouldn't be the one running, right?"

"No, you'd just have to sit," Amy assured her.

"Well, I'll try," Cream said. "But I'm really sleepy right now."

"Then I'd better try out my second choice," Amy said. "Cosmo! Get on my shoulders!"  
"I…beg your pardon?" Cosmo said, drinking another glass of water.

"Now, plant thingy!" Amy said. "If Cream can't make it, I want to know how much to adjust my balance for the weight difference!"

"Are you calling me fat?" Cosmo asked.

"Pico-pico!" Amy sang.

"I'm coming!" Cosmo cried. She got up on Amy's shoulders. Amy stood up and started walking.

"Okay, so far!" Amy said. "Hold on, tight, Cosmo!" Cosmo wrapped her arms around Amy's neck. "Gack! Not that tight! Can't breath!"

"I'm sorry!" Cosmo said.

"Okay, here we go!" Amy started running.

"Um…Amy?" Cosmo said.

"Quiet, I need to concentrate!" Amy said as she kept running.

"But, Amy," Cosmo said desperately, "I really think…"

"I'll do the thinking for Team Rose!" Amy cried. As she kept running, she felt something wet. Was it raining? Then it dawned on her.

"AAUGH!" Amy cried. "Get off! Get off!" She pushed Cosmo off of her.

"I'm sorry, Amy!" Cosmo said, floating to the ground. "You knew I was drinking a lot of water!"

"I'm gonna kill you for that!" Amy shrieked, chasing her with her pico-pico hammer.

"Here we go again!" Cosmo cried as she ran for dear life.

Next time, we're off to the races! And some of our characters are _really_ off!


	10. Chapter 10: The Spring Carnival, Part 3

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Ten

"Spring Carnival Part Three"

"The first race will be starting in one minute!" the judge called over the loud speaker. It was a different judge, since the first was still recuperating from the eating contests.

"Okay, Cream, ready?" Amy asked. Cream was sitting on Amy's shoulders. The little bunny was half asleep now.

"Huh?" Cream said. "Somebody talking to me?"

"Wake up!" Amy said. "Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a loony bin!"

"We've got this all sewn up!" Vector bragged. He had Charmy on his shoulders.

"Right," Charmy said. "If it looks like we're falling behind, I flap my wings and we take off!"

"Right!" Vector said. "Wait a minute! Wouldn't that get us disqualified?"

"Probably," Espio said, relieved that he just had to watch.

"And I doubt I could carry such a big, fat, heavy load very far anyway!" Charmy said.

"Yeah, probably," Vector said. "Hey, wait a minute! Are you calling me fat?"

"Oh no," Charmy assured him. "I'm calling you big, fat, and heavy!"

"Well, that's more…Shut up!"

"Hahahahahah!" Charmy laughed. "Whoa!" He fell off, and landed on his head. "Owie!"

"Are you okay, Charmy?" Espio asked.

"Charmy?" Charmy said. "What's a Charmy?"

"Ut oh," Vector said. "He's coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs!"

"Well, I guess you're out of the race, Vector," Espio said.

"What? No way!" Vector cried. "You take his place, Espio!"

"No, really, that's okay," Espio said, backing away from the crocodile. "I think I left the tv on at home anyway, and…"

"Get over here now!" Vector said.

"I don't think this is a good idea!" Tails said. Somehow, he'd been partnered with Big.

"Duh, this sounds like fun," Big said. "Um…what do I do again?"

Tails sighed. "When you hear the gun shot, you start running," Tails said. Big's brain only had room for two things, fishing and Froggy.

"Ribbit! Ribbit!"

"No, Froggy," Big said. "You can't go swimming now. We're running a race!"

Sonic and Cosmo were sitting this one out. Cosmo was watching Tails. "How did he get partnered with Big again?" she asked.

"Well," Sonic said, "I'm disqualified from the races because I'm the fastest thing alive, and it wouldn't be fair to compete with mere mortals."

"What other sorts of mortals are there?" Cosmo asked.

"Skip it," Sonic said. "Anyhoo, Amy signed everybody she knew up for at least three races."

"Yes, I'm supposed to be in the relay race, the wheel barrel race, and the big swim meet," Cosmo said.

"Better you than me," Sonic said, kicking back. "I hate water!"

"Well, maybe sometime I'll give you some swimming lessons!" Cosmo offered.

"Uh…yeah," Sonic said.

BANG! "GO!" And the race was on.

"Cream!" Amy yelled. "Do something about those floppy ears of yours!"

"That's not nice, Amy!" Cream cried. "You shouldn't make fun of my ears, just because they're long and floppy!"

"No, I mean they're getting in my face!" Amy explained. "I can't see where I'm…"

"Watch out for that tree!" Cream yelled.  
Amy swerved, and ran into Vector and Espio. Crash! They went down in a tangle of arms and legs.

"Duh, should we help them?" Big asked Tails.

"Big, watch where you're going!" Tails cried. Big ran right into the lake. Splash!

"Get off me!" Amy shrieked, waving her pico-pico hammer around. "Get off of me! Cream! Jump on! We're going!"

"But we're too far behind!" Cream said.

"I said jump on!" Amy yelled. Cream was afraid not to obey. Amy started running again.

"Duh, where's Froggy?" Big asked.

"Big! We're gonna lose!" Tails cried.

"But I gotta get Froggy!" Big insisted, splashing after his pet.

"Argh!" Vector cried as he tried to get up. "I got a charley horse!"

"Well then, that's it for the Chaotix!" Espio said, shrugging. "Oh well!" He started to walk away. Vector grabbed him.

"Oh no!" Vector insisted. "You carry me!"

Espio sputtered. "You're…joking!" he said. But Vector was serious.

It appeared that Silver and Blaze would win the race. Silver was able to run in a perfectly straight line, since he could levitate any obstacles out of his way.

"We're winning, Silver!" Blaze cried. "We're winning!" She was so excited, she didn't notice her hands starting to get hot.

"Ow!" Silver cried. "Blaze, watch it! Ow! Turn down the heat, girl!"

"What?" Blaze gasped. "Are you flirting with me?!? You're a good friend, but…" She sniffed the air. "What's cooking?"

"My quills!" Silver said. "You're gonna set me on fire!"

"Oh no!" Blaze cried. "Quick! Go jump in the lake!" Then she remembered where she was. "Wait! First let me…" But it was too late. Silver ran to the lake and jumped in, taking Blaze with him. Splash!

"Ahhh! I hate water!" Blaze cried. "Get out! Get out!" She was so shook up, the water started to bubble.

"Blaze, stop! You'll boil us like lobsters!" Silver cried.

"I want out!" Blaze cried, ignoring him.

"Okay, Cream," Amy said, "make me run faster!"

"Huh?" Cream said. "How do I do that, Amy?"

"Tell me you see Sonic ahead of us!"

"Huh?" Cream said. She shrugged. "There goes Sonic!"

"Try harder," Amy said. "I'm not believing it!"

"Sonic's just ahead!" Cream said. "He's…he's asking Princess Sally out for a date!"

"What?!?" Amy roared. "I'll teach him!" And suddenly she had her pico-pico hammer in her hands.

Espio moaned as he carried Vector on his shoulders. "I should have my head examined!" he said.

Watch where you're going!" Vector cried. Espio stepped in a hole in the ground and fell. Vector landed on him.

"Bleaghh!" Espio cried. "Get off! You weigh a ton!"

"Hey, no fat jokes!" Vector said. "My leg feels better now, and you're gonna kill me! So let's switch back again!"

"I want to go home," Espio moaned.

"Big!" Tails yelled. "I've had it. This is ridiculous!" He walked away, out of the race. It wouldn't be until well after the race was over before Big even noticed he was gone.

Blaze was chasing Silver. "Dunk me in the water, will you?"

"Ow!" Silver cried, as she hit him with a fireball. "You told me to jump in the lake!"

"Hey!" Tails yelled. "I already told that joke in Crazy In Love Or Just Plain Crazy! Okay, writer, that's the last plug you get from me until you stop treating me so lousy in After the Metarex: Tails' Story!"

"But, Tails," Blaze pointed out. "You just gave another plug!"

"D'oh!" Tails moaned.

"Okay!" Amy said, hitting the last racers ahead of them. "We're gonna win!"

"You cheated, Amy!" Cream said, furious with her.

"I don't care!" Amy yelled. "As long as I win the…hey!"

Vector raced past her. "I won!" he cried, breaking the tape just a second before Amy did. "I won!"

"You're disqualified!" the judge said.

"What?!?" Vector demanded. "How can I be disqualified?"  
"You have to have a partner on your shoulders!" the judge pointed out.

"But I do have a…" Then he realized Espio was invisible! "Hey! What's the big idea?"

"Sorry," Espio said, appearing. "I sometimes do that when I get nervous, and…"

"I remember you two guys now!" the judge cried. "You cut ahead of me in the Little Planet ride at Twinkle Park with your invisibility trick!"

"They cut in front of me at the roller coaster!" somebody yelled.

"I wondered where the purple guy came from on the submarine ride!" somebody else said.

"Uh oh!" Vector said.

"Vector?" Espio said.

"Yeah?" Vector asked.

"Run!" They ran.

"Well then, I won!" Amy said.

"Actually, we have footage of you hitting people to win," the judge said. "The winners are Blaze and Silver!" Blaze took the blue ribbon and curtseyed. Silver, burned to a crisp, bumped into her and they both fell on the judge.

As the judge chased Blaze and Silver, Amy looked at Cream. "We just _have_ to win the next race!" she said. "Are you ready, Cream?"

"I'm ready for a nap," Cream said. "Anyway, I think the judge is busy right now."

The judge, with his hat smoking, came back and announced, "The three-legged race will begin in five minutes!"

Big had finally caught Froggy. "Duh, look, Tails! I caught Froggy! Tails?"

Big came back just in time for Amy to force him into the three-legged race. Since Tails had gone back to the crowd to stand with Cosmo, Amy grabbed, Charmy, who was just coming to his senses.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Amy!" Cream said as Amy tied Big and Charmy together.

"That just makes it easier for us to win!" Amy said.

"That's not nice!" Cream said.

"You may as well get on home now, mates!" came a voice. It was Marine the Raccoon. "Me mate here and me have this race in the bag." She pointed to Ray the Flying Squirrel. "Isn't that right, mate?"

"My name's Ray, not Mate," Ray said. He was sort of like a dumber Tails.

"Hey!" Knuckles yelled, stepping forward. "I can't believe you guys didn't wait for me to race!" He was tied to Shade.

"Can you believe he picked _her_?" Rouge demanded.

"He'll be sorry!" Julie-Su said. Then she realized who she was talking to. "I still don't like you either, of course!"

"Right back at you!" Rouge said. They looked daggers at each other.

"What's going on here?" a voice asked Sonic.

"Shadow!" Sonic said. "You just now found out about the spring carnival?"

"A carnival?" Shadow said. "Sounds pretty stupid!"

"Come on, Shadow!" Sonic said. "People have been asking for us to race each other!"

"Not for people to gawk at us," Shadow said. "Besides, it wouldn't be fair to anybody else. I'm the fastest thing alive, but to even come close to me, you'll leave everybody else in the dust."

"Let's see how you do together!" Amy said, suddenly tying them together.

"Hey!" Shadow cried. "What do you think you're doing?"

"It wouldn't be fair!" Sonic said.

"We just want to see how you two do working together," Amy said. She grinned. "I'll bet you two couldn't win anyway!"

"That is ludicrous!" Shadow said.

"Then you'll race!" Amy said.

"Amy!" Cream cried as they walked away to the starting line together. "We won't stand a chance against those two!"

"Don't worry!" Amy said. "If I know those two egomaniacs, and I do, we shouldn't need to worry!"

The judge fired the opening shot. BANG! And the three-legged race was on!

"Let's get this over with!" Shadow said. He started to run slightly to the left. But Sonic wanted to run slightly to the right. They both fell.

"Hey! Get your act together!" Shadow demanded.

"Right back at you!" Sonic said.

Marine and Ray were having the same problem. "I'm the captain, you're the mate!" Marine insisted, practically dragging Ray along. "You follow me directions, bloke!"

"Ow!" Ray cried as he fell on his face. Marine, in a hurry, proceeded to drag him. "Ow! Mighty! Save me! Ow!"

"Oh, hush, ya big baby!" Marine said.

"You're doing great, Ray!" Mighty called from the audience. He turned to Cosmo and Tails. "He doesn't know what he's doing in there, does he?"

"Don't look at me," Cosmo said. " I don't even know why I came here today."

"So, Knuckles," Shade said. "Why did you pick me instead of Rouge or Julie-Su? Is it because you think I'm beautiful? Or do you think I'm the best runner of the three?"

"Well, actually," Knuckles admitted. "Rouge is fast in the air, but she looks kind of dumpy running. And Julie-Su has this attitude she's always giving me. I just figured you were the most aerodynamical."

"You picked me because I'm skinny?" Shade said. "What if I'd worn my armor?"

"I hadn't thought of that," Knuckles said. "Guess I would have picked Julie-Su. She's skinnier than Rouge."

"So you really are an idiot!" Shade said.

Since the two of them were arguing, neither was watching where they were going. They ran into a picnic table and fell across it. At the speed they were going, they flipped right over the table, and landed on their backs on the grass, the air knocked out of them.

"Ow!" Cream cried. "Amy, my ears keep flapping in my face when I run!"

"You should have asked me to tie them down before the race," Amy said. "Now just deal with it!"

"You're not nice these days," Cream said, pouting. She stumbled and Amy dragged her sideways.

"Get up!" Amy yelled. "You're making me look bad!"

"Duh, I think we've got a problem here, little guy!" Big said. He had to bend well over to walk with Charmy. "I'm getting a sore back!"

"Well, straighten up once in awhile!" Charmy said.

"Duh, okay!" Big said. He straightened up. "Hey, yeah! I can run a lot better now!" he said. Of course, Charmy's feet were no where near the ground now.

"Wow!" Charmy said. "I don't have to do any work at all!" He started humming a song.

"I know that song!" Big said. He hummed along. Right into the community center. "Ow!" He staggered back a couple of steps. There was now a cat-shaped impression in the building. "Wow!" he said. "I feel famous! Pretty cool, huh, Froggy?"

Froggy decided to take this moment to make a break for it. "Ribbit! Ribbit!"

"Duh, come back, Froggy!" Big cried, running out of another race.

"Wait!" Charmy cried. "Untie me! I wanna go home now!"

"Ribbit!"

"Froggy!"

"Help!"

Sonic and Shadow, as Amy had predicted, argued constantly. They couldn't decide which way to go around a family eating a picnic, so they ran across their picnic basket. Sonic now had a watermelon on his left foot, and Shadow's right foot was covered in jello and potato salad. His right foot slid out from under him and they went down into a rose bush.

"Ow!" Sonic yelled. "Watch where you're going, faker!"

"Ow!" Shadow cried. "There's a rose up my nose!"

"Hey, you're a poet, only you don't know it!" Sonic cried, laughing.

"How'd you like a chaos spear up _your_ nose?!" Shadow demanded.

"Try it, buddy!" Sonic cried. And the fight was on.

"We're gonna win!" Amy cried. "Hang on, Cream!"

"To what?" Cream asked, as Amy continued to drag her sideways.

Ray had fallen down. "Get up, you great silly thing!" Marine cried. "We're gonna lose this race! Obey your captain!"

"You're out of your gourd, lady!" Ray cried. "Mighty! Save me!"

"Isn't that sad?" Mighty said. "Ray's having so much trouble with girls, and I'm hardly the one to give him pointers."

"Um, yeah," Tails said. "How do you like the race so far, Cosmo?"

"I'm just nervous because I'm going to be in the next three," Cosmo said. "I just know I'll do something stupid and Amy will get onto me about it!"

Knuckles and Shade had finally stopped arguing and were closing in on Amy and Cream.

"Okay," Shade said. "We can win this if you do exactly what I say!"

"Hey!" Knuckles cried. "I'm the guy! Girls don't tell guys what to do!"

"Remind me to teach you a few things about Women's Liberation after the race!" Shade said.

"Oh, Knuckles!" Rouge purred. She wasn't happy that Knuckles hadn't chosen her. She was flying alongside them.

"What do you want?" Knuckles demanded.

"I think I'm going to give myself a consolation prize for not getting to be your partner!"

"A consolation prize?" Knuckles repeated. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said. "Maybe something big and green! Bye bye!" She flew off.

"Big and green?!?" Knuckles cried. "The Master Emerald! What a fool I am!"

"You won't get any arguments from me!" Shade said.

"I have to protect the Master Emerald!" Knuckles yelled. He started to run in the opposite direction. They both fell on their faces.

"You idiot!" Shade cried.

Sonic and Shadow were trying to get back into the race again. But as luck would have it, there was a tree right in their path.

"Swerve left!" Shadow yelled.

"No, right!" Sonic insisted.

Since neither would budge an inch, they ended up going right down the middle…into the tree.

Crunch!

"My nose!" Shadow cried. "I think you broke my nose!"

"I think you knocked a tooth loose!" Sonic cried. They started fighting again.

"We're gonna win!" Amy cried. "Still with me, Cream?"

"Barely!" Cream cried. Then Amy saw Sonic and Shadow fighting.

"Losers!" Amy yelled, sticking her tongue out at them. "Losers! Nyah nyah nyah!"

"Amy, stop that!" Cream cried. "It isn't nice!"

But Amy kept it up, which is why she ran into the lake. Splash! This was a deep part of the lake, so the two of them ended up completely underwater. They had to run to a shallower part of the lake to get out.

Amy came out, spitting up water. "You still with me there, Cream?" she asked.

"How'd I get here?" Silver asked. The rope to tie Amy and Cream together had come loose in the water, and snagged Silver, who Blaze had tossed in the lake before storming into the crowd. He'd made the mistake of telling her that wearing the ribbon made her look fat.

Cream staggered out of the lake. "Hey, Amy! You forgot something! Me!"

"Disqualified!" the judge yelled as Amy reached the finish line. "You're not with your original partner!"

Sonic and Shadow continued to fight.

"Duh, come back here, Froggy!" Big cried, crashing into Sonic and Shadow. He fell on them.

"ARGHHH!" they both yelled. Big weighed over six hundred pounds, after all.

Dragging Ray so that he was facing backwards, Marine took the finish line. "Told y'all I was the captain!" she said. "Good on ya, Ray!"

"Well, I…what did you just call me?!?" Ray said.

"Great job, you two!" Mighty cried, lifting them both off the ground.

"Get back here, Silver!" Amy yelled, chasing him across the park. "Make me lose, will you?"

"But…but I don't even know what I…ow!…what I did!"

"Simple!" Amy yelled. "You made me lose!" She tossed a hammer at him.

"Ow!"

"The relay races will begin in five minutes!" the judge called over the loud speaker.

"Ready, Cosmo?" Cream asked.

Cosmo sobbed. "No," she admitted. "I got a break this chapter, so I just know I'm in for trouble next time!"

Next time: Relay race, sack race, and wheel barrel race. See you then!


	11. Chapter 11: The Spring Carnival, Part 4

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Eleven

"Spring Carnival Part Four"

Naturally, Sonic and Shadow were both forbidden from running in the relay races. This was hardly a problem, however, as the two hedgehogs were much too busy wrestling on the ground to care.

"I'll make you eat mud!" Shadow threatened.

"Try it, faker!" Sonic yelled back. They rolled into the lake.

Splash!

"Okay," Amy said to her team, "here's how we'll do this. Cream, you'll run first. Cosmo, fix up her ears so they don't keep flapping in her face."

"Um…I guess I can do that," Cosmo said.

"Cream, you'll pass the baton to Tails," Amy went on. "Then Tails will pass it to me. I've had a lot of practice chasing Sonic, so I can really move! That should give us a big enough leeway for Cosmo to finish the race. You're fast, but you're a klutz, so try not to trip over your big feet!"

"That's not nice," Cosmo said, looking at her feet. It was the first time she'd ever worn running shoes. The entire team was wearing matching t-shirts that said "Team Rose" on them.

"I'm not part of Team Rose!" Tails said. "I'm on Team Sonic!"

"Sonic gets too much popularity!" Amy said. "I want my own video game! Didn't you get a couple about fifteen years ago? Wouldn't you like another?"

"Well, sure," Tails said. "I mean, they had me fight a crazy old woman who thought she was a witch! What was Sega thinking that day?"

"All I got was a cameo in one game Sega didn't even make!" Cosmo sobbed. "At least…I think that was me! Does anybody know for sure?"

"I'm afraid not!" Tails said.

"Beats me!" Amy said.

"I never played that game," Cream said, "Mom won't buy me a Nintendo DS!"

Tails and Amy both gasped.

"No way!" Amy cried.

"I'll build you one," Tails offered. "In fact, I'll start now and…" He started to walk away.

"No you don't!" Amy said, patting her hand with her pico-pico hammer.

"No, I don't," Tails said sheepishly.

"The relay races will begin in one minute!" the judge said. This was yet another new judge. Amy wondered where they kept finding people stupid enough to accept the job.

Amy looked at the other teams. Jet, Storm, and Wave had teamed up with Mina Mongoose. Grrr! Mina had gone out with Sonic awhile back, so that made her Amy's enemy!

Another team consisted of Blaze, Silver, Marine, and Princess Elise, who looked more shocked than anyone that she was there!

Incredibly, Knuckles had teamed up with Julie-Su, Rouge, and Shade. What a true idiot! That was just asking for trouble!

Even more incredibly, Vector, Espio, and Charmy were back, along with Mighty. Amy rolled her eyes. Surely they didn't think those mustaches were going to fool anyone?

"Ready…set…GO!" BANG!

Cream started at an easy jog. She was finally over the effects of stuffing herself with ice cream.

"Hi, Blaze!" Cream cried as they ran alongside each other.

"No, Cream!" Amy yelled. "She's the enemy! Don't talk to her!"

"No, Iblis was the enemy!" Cream said.

"You're not supposed to remember Iblis!" Amy yelled.

"I'm not supposed to remember who?" Cream asked, as continuity shifted yet again.

"What's an Iblis?" Blaze asked.

"I don't know," Cream said. She turned back to Amy. "Amy, what's an…" She ran into Blaze. They rolled downhill into a table. A huge punch bowl tipped over and landed on their heads.

"EEWWW!!!" both girls squealed.

"Hahahahahah!" Charmy cried. "Losers! Losers! Nya nya nya nya nya n-OOF!" He had just tripped over a water sprinkler.

Julie-Su tagged Knuckles. He had a good head start. Unfortunately, he did not have a good head on his shoulders. He tripped over his own two feet, allowing Silver and Tails to get ahead of him.

"I have no idea what I'm doing here!" Silver admitted.

"I know how you feel!" Tails said. "I'm here so that Amy won't hit me!"

"I'm here so that Blaze won't set me on fire again!" Silver said.

"You guys don't stand a chance!" Knuckles said, passing them. "Losers!" He grinned. "Okay," he said to himself, "I win this for my girls, and they're all be back on my side again! Nothing like having three babes at your beck and call! Not to mention my one _true_ love…the Master Emerald!" While Knuckles was having a running commentary with himself, he naturally wasn't looking where he was going, and crashed into the wall. He went right through. The judge blew his whistle.

"Back on the course, or you're disqualified!"

"You idiot!" Julie-Su, Rouge, and Shade all yelled.

"And as the race continues," Vector said, talking into a microphone that wasn't there, "we see our hero, Vector, conquering all with his fancy footwork!"

"Hey, stop talking to yourself, moron!" Storm yelled.

"How rude!" Vector said. "The competition proves to have no class, but Vector can overcome any obstracles in his path with intrepid fortitude."

"Yeah, I make up words sometimes too," Storm said.

"This is not going to end well!" Tails predicted.

"What are you, psychic?" Storm demanded.

"I am!" Silver said. "Well, sort of."

Storm tagged Mina. Mina was the fastest one there, not counting Sonic and Shadow.

"Oi'm the captain, mate!" Marine yelled.

"What the heck are you talking about?" Amy demanded. "Captain of what, you space case!"

"That's just rude!" Mina said.

"You stay out of this!" Amy yelled, looking at her. Bam! Amy ran into a tree.

"Tie the kangaroo down, sport, but that was funny!" Marine said as she stepped in a hole in the ground. She fell on her face.

"This is one fun event!" Mina said, grinning at Shade.

"Maybe," Shade said, "but you're still going down, girly-girl!"

"In your dreams!" Mina said. "Watch me rev up!" She passed the echidna easily. Unfortunately, she ran so fast, she was out of the park before she knew it. "Whoops!" she cried, turning around and racing back again. The judge blew his whistle.

"No fair using super powers!" he cried. "You're out of all future races, young lady!"

"But…I'm a famous singer!" Mina protested. She started to sing. This was a mistake, as she began to attract crazy fans.

"Can I have your autograph?"

"Can I have your shoes?"

"Can I have some of your hair?"

"Marry me!"

"AHHH!" Mina cried, running off the field again.

Shade, meanwhile, tagged Rouge. The final length of the race had begun.

Amy speeded up desperately. "Cosmo!" she yelled. "Take it! Take it!"

Cosmo's hand shook as she took the baton. "Oh, I just know I'm going to ruin everything!"

Cosmo dropped the baton. "Oh no! What'll I do now!"

"Pick it up! Pick it up!" Amy yelled. Cosmo picked it up.

"Now what?" Cosmo asked.

"Run, alien plant thingy, run!"

Cosmo found herself trying to keep up with Wave and Rouge. Princess Elise was way behind.

"Can we agree to stay friends, no matter who wins?" Cosmo asked.

"Stay friends?" Wave said. "I never liked you in the first place! Who are you, anyway?"

"My name is Cosmo," Cosmo said. "I'm from another planet. Pleased to meet you!"

"You're from another planet?!?" Wave said. She looked back at her friends. "Nut job!" she called, just before running into Rouge.

"You want a piece of me?" Rouge yelled.

"Get off of me, fatso!" Wave squealed.

"Fatso!?!" Rouge screamed. "That's it! It's Bye-Bye Birdie!"

As luck would have it, Cosmo was the only person whose running shoes had laces. Since she'd never tied laces before, she had asked Tails to do it. Since Tails had never tied laces before either, he hadn't done a great job of it. Her laces came loose, and she tripped on them. "OOF!"

Princess Elise, puffing like a steam engine, crossed the finish line.

"Yay, Princess Elise!" Blaze, Silver, and Marine all cheered.

"Good on ya, Princess!" Maria said, patting Elise on the back. She fell over and started to cry.

Everyone froze.

"Iblis trigger!" Silver cried.

"Mephiles!" Marine sobbed.

"Solaris!" Blaze wailed.

"I scraped my knee!" Elise said. She turned to her friends. "What were you three talking about just now?"

Silver, Blaze, and Marine looked at each other, confused.

"I can't remember!" they all cried at the same time.

"Eat mud!" Shadow shrieked, shoving a handful in Sonic's mouth. "Eat it!"

"No thanks!" Sonic said. "I'm still full from the chili dog eating contest!"

"You participated in an eating contest?!" Shadow demanded. "You're not only a faker, you're a fool!"

"Oh yeah!" Sonic yelled.

"Nice comeback!"

"The sack races will be starting in two minutes!" the judge called.

"How does this one work again?" Cosmo asked, staring at her sack.

"You climb in the sack and start jumping," Amy said. "Any fool can do it!"

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Cosmo asked.

"Don't strain your brain," Amy said. "Cream? How are you holding out?"

"Can't I just sit this one out, Amy?" Cream asked sleepily. "Why did you sign me up for every event?"  
"You're my best friend, duh!" Amy said.

"Oh good," Cream said, "nighty-night, now!" She fell asleep in her sack.

"Wake up!" Amy cried. "Hey, Cosmo! Help me wake Cream up!"

"Um…please wake up, Cream?" Cosmo said.

"Thanks," Amy said, "you're a lot of help!"

"Why am I even in this event?" Cosmo asked. "You said I only had to be in the relay race, the wheel barrel race, and the swimming meet."

"I didn't realize Knucklehead would decide to form his own group with his groupies," Amy said, disgusted.

"I ought to have my head examined!" Tails said. "I've never won any sort of athletic competition in my entire life! Can't I just submit something to the science fair?"  
"You can do both!" Amy said. "If you're not working on inventions, you're making google eyes at Cosmo! No wonder Cream can beat you up, right, Cream!"

"Yeah," Cream said, "beat up Cream." She started to snore.

Amy took a deep breath. "EGGMAN JUST STOLE CHEESE!!!"

"AAHHH!!!" Cream yelled, looking around. "Where? Where?!?"

"That was mean," Cosmo said.

"On your marks…get set…GO!" Bang!

Amy quickly moved to the front of the pack. "I'm winning this one!" she yelled at no one in particular.

Vector's bag suddenly tore, and his feet stuck out of the bottom.

The judge blew his whistle. "Disqualified!"

"Oh yeah?" Vector said. He put his headphones on the judge and turned his radio on full blast. The judge passed out on the ground, twitching.

Knuckles gritted his teeth. He'd win something today if it killed him! "Hey, Amy!" he yelled as the pink hedgehog moved further and further ahead of him. "Sonic's talking to a girl!"

Amy Rose turned in mid-jump to stare at Sonic. He wasn't talking to someone, but there was a yellow cat right next to him that was really cute. Amy started towards them, then remembered the race. She tossed a pico-pico hammer at the girl.

"Look out!" Sonic yelled, throwing himself in front of the girl. Bong! "That felt…good!" Sonic said as he fell over backwards.

"I'm going to win!" Blaze yelled at Amy. She was nearing the finish line.

"No way!" Amy yelled, speeding up. "You stupid feline! Yeah, you're fat, and shapeless, and your boyfriend looks like a doofus!"

Blaze sizzled at the insults. Literally. With a sudden Fwoosh! her sack caught on fire.

"Disqualified!" the judge yelled. "Ow! Hey, watch it!"

"Feel my wrath, you little common man!" Blaze yelled, tossing fireballs at the judge.

Cream stumbled and bumped into Marine. "'ey, mate, watch it!" Marine yelled as Cream fell on her.

"Excuse me!" Cream said. "I'm really sleepy right now!"

"Oi didn't ask for your loif story!" Marine said. "Geddoffa me!"

"I'm sorry?" Cream said. "Could you repeat that?"

"You're a great jabberwocky you are, mate!" Marine said.

"Oh, I know that poem," Cream said. "'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves…"

"Didn't we hear that several chapters ago?" Marine demanded. "'Sides, Oi've got to be going!" She took off and was soon far ahead of Cream.

"Well, that wasn't very polite!" Cream said. "'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves…" she mumbled as she started jumping again.

"I'm in the lead!" Amy yelled. Then, suddenly, something small and green passed her.

"Ribbit! Ribbit!"

"Froggy?!?" Amy cried. "Then that mean…oh no!"

"Froggy!" Big yelled, stomping on Knuckles and Marine as he chased his pet. "Duh, come back here, you little rascal you!"

Amy speeded up. She didn't want him to crash into her. Cosmo, thinking the same thing, also speeded up. Cosmo was fast, but she would sometimes subconsciously louse herself up so that she couldn't win at anything she tried to do. This proved to be the case now. She tripped over her own two feet, and started hopping on one foot. Desperate to keep from falling, she decided to keep up the momentum, hoping she could get herself out of this mess. She was soon neck and neck with Amy. Then she tripped on a tree root.

"Whoa!" Cosmo cried, struggling to keep from falling. "Whoa! Elder, why did you trip me?!?" She reached out desperately at anything she could grab to stay on her feet. As luck would have it, she grabbed Amy's arm. Amy struggled. Cosmo lost her grip on Amy's arm, and grabbed Amy's sack. They both fell in opposite directions. RIIPP!

"My sack!" Amy yelled. "You crazy green alien plant thingy! You ruined my sack! You just got me disqualified! I'll teach you!" She started after Cosmo with her pico-pico hammer.

"Oh no!" Cosmo cried. She didn't want to waste time getting out of the sack, Amy would hit her while she was struggling with it, so she stared jumping faster and higher. She bounced like a kangaroo, and was soon across the finish line.

"Disqualified!" the judge said. "No super powers in these races, people!"

"Hey!" Tails yelled at the judge. "Cosmo won! Who do you think you are, anyway?"

"I'm the judge!"

"Well, here's a gavel for you!" Amy said, conking him upside the head.

"Amy, you can't keep doing that!" Cosmo said. "And I thought you were angry at me!"

"I am!" Amy said. "But nobody can be mean to my friends except me!" She started after Cosmo again.

"That's it!" Cosmo cried. "I'm going home!"

They ran past Sonic and Shadow, who will still fighting.

"Ultimate life form?" Sonic demanded. "Ultimate pain in the neck!"

"I'll ultimate you!" Shadow yelled.

"Is that supposed to be a threat?" Sonic said. "You're out of your mind!" They fell back into the lake.

SPLASH!

"Cosmo?" Tails called, as Amy headed back for the next race. "Cosmo! Where are you?"

"Is she gone?" came a voice from the tree he was standing under.

"Jump down," Tails said. "I'll catch you!"

"You don't need to catch me," Cosmo said. "Here I come." She jumped out of the tree. Unfortunately, she'd forgotten she was wearing shorts for the races, instead of a skirt. She landed on Tails.

"Auugghh!" Tails cried.

"Are you okay?" Cosmo asked.

"Please get off my kidneys!" Tails begged.

"The wheel barrel race will begin in two minutes!" the judge said.

"Okay, Cream," Amy said, "are you ready?"  
"I think the blood is rushing to my head, Amy!" Cream said.

"Great, then you'll listen to my instructions!" Amy said. "If you try to second guess me, we could lose! And I want to finally win something!"

"Can I sit out the next race, please?" Cream asked.

"The next race is the swimming competition," Amy said. "Cosmo's our best bet for that one." She gasped. "I can't believe I just said that! Man, are we in trouble!"

"That's not nice!" Cream said.

"Ready…set…go!" Bang!

"Come on, Cream!" Amy yelled, "Move those arms!"

"Wait!" Cream cried. "My ears are getting in my face again!"

"Cosmo loused up tying them back!" Amy said. "I knew I should have done it myself!"

"Come on, Charmy!" Vector yelled. "We've gotta win this one!"

"I'm raring to go!" Charmy said. He looked around. "Hey! There's my girl, Saffron, in the crowd!" He waved. "Hi, Saffron!" Since he was now trying to balance with one hand, he fell on his face. "Ow! Ow! You're scraping my face off!"

"Pay attention, you goof ball!" Vector said. "We gotta move!"

"But my face!" Charmy cried.

"Never mind your face!" Vector said. "I'll buy you a new one!"

"You're all heart!" Charmy cried.

"Faster, Silver, faster!" Blaze cried.

"Hey!" Silver said. "I think you're giving me a hot foot!"

"Oh, stop complaining!" Blaze yelled. "You're always whining about something!"

"Are you sure you're okay, Cosmo?" Tails asked. "Don't strain!"

"I'm not that fragile, Tails!" Cosmo said. "You can run faster!"

"I don't want to hurt you!" Tails said, looking down at her.

"I'm fine, really!" Cosmo said, looking up at him. She crashed into Charmy.

"Oh!" Cosmo cried.

"Ow!" Charmy yelled.

"Ah!" Tails shrieked as he flipped and fell on Charmy.

"Yeow!" Vector screamed as he flipped and fell on Tails.

"Okay, that just leaves Pinky and the floppy eared girl, and the two echidnas," Wave told Jet. "Oh, and those two crazy kids!"

"No problem!" Jet said. "Let's show 'em who's boss!"

Ray had somehow managed to get himself paired up with Marine again. "Oi'm the captain, mate!" she cried, "Oi'll guide ye! Ye run on your hands!"  
"Get away from me!" Ray cried, trying to escape. Marine pushed him into a wheel barrel position. "Mighty, save me!"

"Poor little guy," Mighty said to Charmy. "He's never going to be popular with girls if he cries around them!"

"Uh…yeah," Espio said. He was just glad that he was out of this one.

"I still say I should be the one pushing you!" Knuckles yelled at Julie-Su.

"Male chauvinist pig!" Julie-Su said.

"What, are all three of you girls feminists!" Knuckles cried. Maybe he should have asked Cosmo out when they were on Planet Zecco.

"I am woman, hear me roar!" Julie-Su cried. She let out a Tarzan yell, which was very odd, since she hadn't been to Earth.

"Pbbt! Hey, start driving my face in the ground!" Ray yelled at Marine.

"Quit yer bellyachin', mate!" Marine cried. "The captain always knows what she's doin'!"

"We're gonna win!" Jet yelled. "We just gotta take out Pinky and Flopy Ears!"

"Let's move on out!" Wave shrieked. She raced at them.

"Amy, my hands are getting tired!" Cream said.

"Stop complaining!" Amy said. "We're going to win!"

"Eat our dust, girls!" Wave yelled, passing them.

"Cream, help!" Amy ordered.

"Uhh…pretend that Jet is Sonic, and she's carrying him off to her lair to…hug and kiss him!" Cream suggested.

"Hey!" Amy yelled, speeding up. "Get away from my Sonic!"

As they approached the finish line, they were neck and neck.

"They're gonna win!" Wave yelled. "Do something!"

Jet reached into a pocket of the vest he was wearing. He took out a big, fat, night crawler, and threw it. It landed right on Amy's nose.

"AHH!!! A worm!" She swatted it, which meant that she let go of Cream with one hand. Cream fell sideways. Amy hit her and flipped over Cream.

"We win! We win!" Jet and Wave yelled. "We're number one! We're number one!" But as luck would have it, since they weren't paying attention, they didn't notice Sonic and Shadow, still beating the daylights out of each other, roll right into their path. They fell on the pair, and Sonic and Shadow started pounding on them as well. The four of them rolled into the lake. Splash!

"Hahah!" Knuckles yelled as his long pointy nose passed the finish line. "Didn't I tell you to stick with me and you'd win!"

"And do you like me the best?" Julie-Su asked him.

"Well, just between you and me," Knuckles said softly, "sure, babe!"

"Oh, really!" Rouge and Shade said together. They proceeded to beat Knuckles up.

"The thousand meter freestyle race with begin in the lake in five minutes!" still another judge announced over the loudspeaker. That was two so far that Blaze had put out of commision.

"Okay, come on, alien plant thingy!" Amy said, dragging Cosmo to the changing rooms. She put a bathing suit in her hands. "Put this on, and you'd better not mess up this race!"

"Um…okay," Cosmo said. As she changed, she put her amulet down. She put on the swimsuit, then reached for her amulet. Then she noticed she had a smudge of dirt on her face. Most girls would have been horrified, but Cosmo was a plant. As such, she decided the dirt would be better if it were on her feet. So she rubbed the dirt off of her face and rubbed it between her toes.

"One minute to the thousand meter freestyle swimming race!" came the judge's voice.

"Come on, dummy!" Amy yelled, grabbing Cosmo and dragging her to the starting line. Cosmo left her amulet behind.

"You get dressed too, Cream," Amy yelled. "You're in the next swimming event!"

Cream went in to change. She noticed something shiny, and went over to get a closer look. She gasped.

"Tails!" Cream cried a minute later. "Cosmo forgot her amulet!"

"Well, we can't give it to her now, the race is about to begin," Tails said. "I'm sure there won't be any problem if Cosmo doesn't have it for a few minutes."

"Amy," Cosmo said, "I feel like I've lost something!"

"You'll gain a bump on the head if you don't win this one!" Amy Rose insisted.

"The thousand meter swim race will begin in one minute!" the judge cried.

"Okay, Cosmo, eye of the tiger!" Amy said. "Adrian!"

"I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about, Amy!" Cosmo said. She'd never seen any of the Rocky movies, having never been to Earth.

"Get ready…on your marks…GO!" Bang!

Cosmo made a perfect swan dive into the water, and the big swim race was on!

To be continued.

What can possibly happen, just because Cosmo doesn't have her amulet? Did you see the Japanese version of Sonic X? They weren't for good luck originally! Probably the longest chapter of this story.


	12. Chapter 12: The Spring Carnival, Part 5

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Twelve

"Water Makes Plants Grow!"

Cosmo was a surprisingly good swimmer. She was soon far ahead of everyone else.

"Hey! What was that, a torpedo?" Vector asked as she shot past him. "Crazy lady driver!"

Shade, catching up to Vector, kicked him in the snout. "Watch what you say about us women!"

"Ow!" Vector cried. "No fair! I'm a croc! Hey, I don't know who just whizzed by, but I'll bet I can beat _you_!" He struggled to pass her.

"Oh, you want to race, fatso?" Shade said. "Let's go!"

"Fatso?!?" Vector cried. "Okay, Skinny! You're going down!"

Sonic and Shadow continued to beat each other up as they rolled onto the playground. Children shrieked in fear. Eight little old ladies started beating the hedgehogs with their purses.

"Shame on you brutes, frightening children!" one yelled.

"Police! Police!" another shrieked.

"Let's get 'em, girls!" the leader cried.

Sonic and Shadow ran for their lives.

"What the heck was that all about?!?" Sonic demanded.

"I don't know!" Shadow said. "Those old bats have been attacking me for weeks now!"

Sonic gave Shadow a push. "Well don't get me in trouble just 'cause you like to pick fights with old ladies!"

"How about I pick one with you, faker?" Shadow cried, and the fight was on again.

Vector, while a water creature, was seriously out of shape. Shade, a soldier, soon left him far behind.

"Well, who needs you, lady?" Vector demanded. He turned on his headphones and started relaxing, the race already forgotten.

Marine was starting to reconsider entering this race. There were no boats, and nobody to boss around. "Hmm…" she thought, her mind working in a way that only her mind worked, "what can Oi use for a boat?"

"Swim, Silver!" Blaze cried, jumping up and down on shore. "Faster! I command you to win this race!"

"Why don't you swim?!?" Silver moaned, realizing he was in over his head.

"I'm a cat!" Blaze yelled. "I don't get in the wa…" Sonic and Shadow, still fighting, had bumped into her. Blaze fell into the lake. Bubbles came up as she started to boil the water.

"Poltroons!" she cried, trying to throw fireballs at them. Since she was soaked, she ended up hitting them with boiling water balls.

"Ow!" Sonic cried. "What was that?"  
"Shut up and fight, faker!" Shadow cried. And they were at it again.

Big was fishing as Shade started to pass him. She got caught in his fishing line. "Duh, oh boy! Feels like I caught a big one!"

"Hey!" Shade cried, as he lifted her out of the water. "What the heck are you doing, you fat idiot!"

"Duh…you're no fishie!" Big said. He threw her back in.

Silver levitated himself out of the way of Shade's plummeting form.

"Disqualified for using special powers!" the judge yelled.

"What?" Silver cried. "But I wasn't cheating! I just wanted to get out of Shade's way!"

"Stupid judge!" Blaze cried. "What is your problem?" She threw a scalding hot water ball at him.

"Hey!" the judge yelled. "Security!"

Blaze made a run for it.

"Ahh," Cosmo thought as she moved further and further ahead of everyone else. "This is so wonderful! It's great being on a planet and not inside of a ship drifting through space!"

Espio continued to swim invisibly. He accidentally kicked Rouge just as she was passing Knuckles.

"Hey!" Rouge yelled, thinking it was Knuckles who had kicked her. "You jerk! She started beating him up.

Vector was doing the backstroke when suddenly Marine climbed on his stomach and placed a flag on him. "Set sail, ye landlubber!"

"Hey!" Vector yelled. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Quiet, boats don't talk!" Marine said. "Mind your captain, boat!"

"Are you out of your mind?!?" Vector said. "I ain't no boat! Get out of here, you weirdo!"

"You should talk, always carrying on conversations with yourself," Marine said. "Now onward and upward, me hearty!"

"How 'bout downward?" Vector suggested. "If I'm gonna be a boat, then I wanna be a submarine!" And with that, he went underwater.

"Crikey! Me boat's sprung a leak!" Marine cried, trying to bail as she sank. "Mayday! Mayday! Oi'm going down with me…blublublub!"

"Swim faster, Cosmo!" Amy yelled, jumping up and down. "Faster, do you hear me!" She swung her arms out and knocked Tails into the lake. "You're way too late for this race, Tails!" she told him. "Wait 'til the next one!"

Espio realized he was about to pass Vector. "He's bound to be furious!" the chameleon thought. He was so nervous thinking what Vector might do that he turned invisible.

Cosmo, concentrating completely on what she was doing, paid no attention to anything going on around her. She passed the lead swimmer, and then, still focused on swimming, passed the point where she was supposed to turn around.

"What?!?" Amy shrieked. "No no no! You idiot! Turn around, and get back here, do you hear me?!? Huh? I'm speaking to you, you crazy green alien plant thingy!"

"You didn't enter this race, either, huh, Cream?" Charmy asked the bunny.

"No, I'm not that great a swimmer," Cream said. "Besides, I need a rest before the next race."

"Yeah, me and Saffron too," Charmy said.

Tails spit out water as he got out of the lake. "Cosmo!" he cried, noticing she was now heading into the speed boat lanes. He spun his tails and flew after her. "Cosmo! Look out!"

Cosmo saw a speed boat whiz past her. "What's that doing out here?" she wondered. She came up and looked around. "Where'd everybody go?" She looked behind her. Why were they all so far back there?

"Cosmo!" Tails cried, flying towards her. "Cosmo, you swam too far! Go back, go back! It's dangerous out here!"

"Huh? What did you say, Tails?" Cosmo asked.

"Look out for that speed boat!" Tails cried, seeing one headed right for her.

Cosmo dived. The boat sped past. Tails' heart almost stopped. He hovered just above the water. "Cosmo!" he cried. "Cosmo, where are you?"

Cosmo came up right in front of him. She spit a mouth full of water out into his face. "Oh! Tails, what are you doing here? Why is your face wet, when the rest of you is dry?"

"Cosmo, you swam too far out," Tails explained. "You're in the speed boat section! It's very dangerous here! Get back to the swimming area, please, before you give me a heart attack!"

"I forgot to turn around?" Cosmo cried. "Oh, I'm sorry, Tails! I guess Amy will be angry at me, won't she?"  
"Just swim back to shore please!" Tails said.

"Sure," Cosmo said, smiling. "I'll race you!" She started back, swimming faster than a shark.

Tails rolled his eyes. "Nutty as a fruitcake," he muttered. "But I love her!" He followed her back to shore.

Espio passed the finish line, but since he was still invisible, no one noticed, and he was too embarrassed to tell anyone. Shade was announced the winner.

"I knew you could do it, babe!" Knuckles said. "You were always my favorite!"

"Oh really?!?" Rouge and Julie-Su said, and started beating him up.

Amy was hopping mad when Cosmo and Tails returned. "You idiot!" the pink hedgehog shrieked. "You stupid, moronic…I oughtta slug you!"

"I'm sorry, Amy," Cosmo said, backing away from her. "I got carried away! Please don't hit me! Your hammer really hurts!"

The ground started to shake. Sonic and Shadow stopped fighting for a minute.

"Eggman!" Amy yelled. "What are _you_ doing back here?!?"

"I've come for the canoe race!" Eggman said. "You animals don't stand a chance against my mechanical rowers!"

"Unfair advantage!" the judge said. "Robots can't compete against animals in athletic competition!"

"Oh really?" Eggman said. He snapped his fingers.

"Here you go!" Bokkun said, handing the judge a tv set.

"What's this?" the judge demanded.

The screen lit up, and film of Eggman appeared on it. "Ho ho ho! Nice to see you again, Sonic!"

"Sonic?!?" the judge said. "I'm not Sonic!"

"Oops!" Eggman said. "It was a spare from last week. Bokkun forgot to give it to that annoying hedgehog!"

"Yeah, how 'bout that?" Bokkun said. "Hey, Cream! How you doing?"

"Hi, Bokkun!" Cream called, waving. Her mother pushed her arm down. Cheese gave Bokkun a raspberry.

"I still don't see the point in this!" the judge said. The tv set blew up. "I…quit!" the judge said, falling over backwards.

"Hey, Eggman!" Sonic yelled. "Stop picking on people and fight me!"

"You've got your own battles to finish!" Shadow said, punching Sonic in the nose.

"You got it, faker!" Sonic yelled, and the fight was on.

"The next race will be canoes!" the new judge said. He had noticed what kept happening to the earlier judges, and was wearing a suit of armor.

"Okay, let's see if you clowns can do something right for a change!" Amy yelled. She had managed to talk Tails, Cream, and Cosmo into being on her team.

"I'd like to go home now," Cosmo said, turning around and starting to walk away.

Amy grabbed her by the arm. "Oh no you don't! Get in that canoe or I'll clobber you!"

"Have you considered anger management classes, Amy?" Cosmo asked.

"Have you considered getting hit with a hammer?" Amy asked.

"I'm in the canoe!" Cosmo cried, jumping in.

"Amy, you have to stop threatening people!" Tails said, getting angry.

"Get in the boat, Tails!" Amy said, getting angrier.

Tails got into the canoe. "I hope Amy and Cream are good rowers, because I'm not."

"I've never been in one of these before," Cosmo said. "How does it work?" She tried rowing. The canoe started going around in circles.

"Cosmo! Stop helping!" Amy yelled.

"Then why am I here?" Cosmo asked.

"We need comedy relief, and Big and Vector are stronger than I am!" Amy admitted.

"Oh, so you need somebody you can pick on?" Cosmo asked. She thought about this for a moment. "I'm not flattered, Amy."

"Quiet, you!" Amy said. "Ready, Cream? 'Cause you're the only one I can count on here!"

"You can count on Cheese too," Cream said.

"Chao chao!" Cheese said, flexing. Surprisingly, chaos are solid muscle.

"Oh, Cosmo," Cream said, reaching into her purse. "I forgot. You left something behind while you were swimming, and…"

"Not now, Cream!" Amy yelled. "Get ready to row!"

"Go!" the judge yelled, firing the starting gun.

"Come on!" Eggman yelled. "Faster you three simpletons!" He had a megaphone, and was eating greasy snack foods. Naturally, he had no intention of exerting himself.

"Why didn't he get a fighter robot to row for him?" Bocoe asked, rowing as hard as he could.

"Maybe they have a better union than we do?" Decoe suggested.

"I want my mommy!" Bokkun wailed.

"Quit your whining and stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" Eggman yelled.

Silver and Blaze were in another canoe with Vector and Espio.

"And now the great canoe race begins!" Vector proclaimed into his imaginary microphone. "We battled neck and neck against the most vile, evil, nasty, disgusting creatures ever assembled, but…"

"Vector, must you make enemies everywhere you go?" Espio asked. "I'm sorry about this. He's in his own little world!"

"Why did you talk me into being in _this_ boat?" Blaze demanded.

"I don't know!" Silver said, looking confused. "That crocodile is very convincing.!"

"Come on!" Amy yelled at her team. "We have to win something today! Move it! Move it! Move it!"

"I'm rowing, Amy!" Cream said.

"Chao chao!" That presumably meant, "Me too!"

"When did we get drafted?" Tails asked.

"I don't remember signing any papers," Cosmo said. "Ow! I got a splinter!"

"That's what you get for not wearing gloves like everybody else!" Amy told her.

Knuckles had somehow gotten Rouge, Shade, and Julie-Su to join him in the same canoe. Being a true idiot, he assumed he could control the situation.

"Okay, girls! All together now! Row!"

Rouge put her oar in the water. When she brought it up, she splashed Knuckles in the face.

"Hey!" Knuckles cried.

"My hand slipped!" Rouge said, smiling at him.

Shade splashed him next. "Whoops!"

"Will you watch it?!?" Knuckles demanded.

"Now how did that happen?" Shade asked innocently.

Now Julie-Su splashed him. "Oh dear, that was clumsy!"  
Knuckles growled. "I'm beginning to think you three are doing this on purpose!"

"Who, us?" they all said together.

"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" Eggman yelled.

"We're rowing as hard as we can, boss!" Bokkun wailed.

"No!" Eggman cried, as his left eye twitched. "I think I'm having one!"

"Here we go again!" Bocoe said.

"Try eating veggies once in awhile, Doctor!" Decoe said.

Bokkun took the defibrillator he'd brought on the boat. "Clear!"

"C'mon, ye great silly geese!" Marine yelled through her megaphone at Ray, Charmy and Saffron, "Quick lollygagging and pull on them oars! Pull! Pull! 'til yer backs break, and yer hearts crack!"

"I think _you're _cracked!" Charmy said.

"Belay that kind of talk, or ye'll walk the plank me hearties!" Marine cried, jumping to her feet.

"Marine! Don't stand up in the boat!" Ray cried.

Too late. The canoe tipped over.

Splash!

"Back to work, ye goldbricks! Oi haven't got all day, y'know!" Marine yelled.

Ray and Charmy started splashing her. "Shut up!" Ray cried.

"Yeah, you're coo-coo! Let's get out of here, Saffron!" Charmy added. The two bees flew away.

"It's mutiny!" Marine cried, shaking her fist at them. "Get back here, or I'll have ye keelhauled!" When she realized they weren't coming back, she turned to Ray. "Right the boat, or I'll scuttle ye from fore to aft, ye great bandicoot!"

"You'll do what to what?" Ray asked. "Speak English!"

"Oi am speaking English, you wallaby! What are _ye_ speaking, Japanese?"

"I…wait, aren't we _all _speaking Japanese??" Ray said, looking very confused.

"Don't confuse me, ye great wallaby!" Marine yelled, looking just as mixed up as he did.

"That's it, Ray!" Mighty yelled from shore. "You're doing great! Now tell her she has pretty eyes!"

Ray turned towards shore. "What the heck are you talking about, Mighty?!?"

Knuckles was now soaking wet, and his canoe was filling up with water. "Come on already!" he cried. "You three can't possibly be having _that_ many accidents!"

"Guess we're just three clumsy women!" Shade said, splashing Knuckles so hard he nearly fell out of the canoe. "Oops! Did it again!"

Rouge hit Knuckles with her oak. This time, he _did_ fall overboard. "Oh, my goodness! Did I do that?"

"Hey!" Sonic yelled from shore. "That's my line!"

"Hey, faker!" Shadow yelled at him. "Are we fighting or not? I'm waiting!"

"That's my line too!" Sonic yelled, jumping at Shadow. They rolled back into the lake.

Splash!

Surprisingly, Vector, Espio, Silver, and Blaze won, since Vector's crew had rowed as fast as they could in a hurry to get away from his running monologue on his life story.

"The high diving contest is next!" the judge said, just as Rouge's oar, slipping from her hands as she was still splashing Knuckles, flew from her wet gloves and knocked him into the lake. In his suit of armor, the judge sank like a stone. Luckily, he was snagged on a fishing line.

"Duh, you ain't no fishie, neither!" Big said, tossing the judge onto land. "Darn it! Who keeps throwing trash in the lake?!?"

"I quit!" the judge cried, trying to go to his car. The armor rusted solid. "Somebody get me out of here!"

"With pleasure!" Amy said, raising her pico-pico hammer. "Hai-yah!"

"Um…the high diving contest is next," the last judge said. He was obviously a nervous wreck.

"Okay," Amy said, rubbing Cosmo's shoulders like she'd seen a coach do to his wrestler in an Earth movie. "You can still come back from behind and win one for the Gipper!"

"What?!?" Cosmo cried. "Who's the Gipper?!?"

"Amy, you've been watching Grandpa Chuck's old black and white movies again, haven't you?" Tails asked. "Please don't confuse Cosmo any more than she already is!" He sputtered. "I mean…"

"No," Cosmo assured him, "I am definitely confused! And it seems like I'm missing something."

"Oh, that's right," Cream said, reaching into her purse again. "You forgot your…"

"Time to go!" Amy cried, dragging Cosmo away. "You win this one, or I'll really clobber you!"

"Hold it!" Vector cried as Amy and Cosmo approached the diving board. "Me first! Me first!" Vector climbed the ladder. He walked along the diving board. "Uh hem!" He said, speaking into a microphone in his hand that wasn't actually there. "I shall now perform a jackknife with a half twist and ring this bell in my free hand at the same time!"

"Oh brother!" Amy cried, rolling her eyes. "Get on with it already, you geek!"

Vector stuck his tongue out at Amy, then dived. Halfway down, he sneezed, lost control of his jackknife, and belly flopped.

"Ooo, that hurt!" Charmy called. "Hey, Vector! Nice dive! Now try a belly flop, and maybe you'll get the dive you wanted! Hahahahahahah!"

"Well," Vector said, "maybe you're right about that, Charmy! I…hey, shut up!"

Rouge went next. As she plunged towards the water, cameras started flashing in her face. "Hey!" she yelled, blinded. "Stop it! I can't see!" Rouge landed on her face and sank. Knuckles dived in and saved her.

"I got you!" Knuckles yelled.

"My hero!" Rouge said, giving him a kiss. Julie-Su and Shade beat him up.

"Cosmo!" Amy cried. "You're next!"

"Oh, dear!" Cosmo said. "Well…here goes nothing!" Cosmo climbed to the top of the ladder. She walked along the board. Then she tried bounching a few times. "Nice spring in this board," she said to herself. About the tenth bounce, she bent her knees, then pushed herself up with all her strength. She shot up twenty feet above the board, then went plummeted, turning several flips before making a perfect swan dive.

"Disqualified!" the judge called. "Nobody can jump that high naturally! No super powers in these competitions! Rouge the Bat wins!" Julie-Su and Shade beat the judge up.

"But…but I don't even have powers!" Cosmo said. "Or if I do, I don't know how to use them! I have no idea _how_ I turned into a tree awhile back!"

"Turned into a tree?!?" somebody cried. Now everyone was looking at Cosmo like she was weird.

"I don't believe this!" Amy cried. "Even when we win, we lose! And you're the worst of the bunch, Cosmo! You can't do anything right, can you, you silly alien plant thingy?!?"

"It wasn't my fault, Amy!" Cosmo said. "I tried my best!"

"Which was lousy, as usual!" Amy said.

"Hey! Leave Cosmo alone!" Tails said.

"Quiet, you!" Amy ordered, smacking Tails with her hammer.

"That…felt…good!" Tails said, falling over.

"That's it, Amy!" Cosmo yelled. "Stop it now!"

"Or what?" Amy demanded, tapping Cosmo's face with her index finger. "What are you going to do? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

"I mean it!" Cosmo sobbed. "Stop it! You're making me angry now!" The Seedrian began to shake.

"Oo, the plant thingy's angry!" Amy taunted, smacking Cosmo again "What are you gonna do? You gonna cry?"

"No, crying never helped solve anything," Cosmo said. "I realized that a long time ago."

Amy poked Cosmo with her finger.

"Ow! Stop that!" Cosmo's blue eyes started to turn green.

"Come on! Fight back!" Amy said, not noticing Cosmo's eyes.

"You asked for it!" Cosmo screamed. And then, right before everyone's eyes, Cosmo began to grow. And grow. And grow. And GROW!!! Soon, Cosmo towered over Amy, looking like a dinosaur with flowers growing from either side of its head.

"Mommy!" Amy whimpered. She brought her hammer down on Cosmo's foot.

"**Ouch!"** Beast Cosmo said. "**You shouldn't have done that, Amy!"** She started to chase the hedgehog.

"WAAUGGHH!!!" Amy shrieked. "She's gonna eat me!!!"

Cosmo, of course, had no intention of eating Amy. But Amy didn't have to know that just yet!

"**Let's see how **_**you**_** like it for a change!" **Beast Cosmo roared.

"Go 'way! Leave me alone!" Amy shrieked.

Cosmo spit out an energy beam, just missing Amy. Yuck! That tasted weird! Now she needed a mint! Good thing Tails always had a lot of them. They were his favorite food.

"Tails?" Cream said. "Shouldn't we give Cosmo her amulet? Maybe that'll change her back."

"Sure," Tails said. "After Cosmo's had a little fun!"

"How 'bout a nice big pitcher of water?" Amy said desperately, as Beast Cosmo continued to chase her. "Or a nice big bag of mulch? Ah, come on! Can't you take a joke?"

Next time, they visit a fortune teller. What can go wrong there?

(So Cosmo, how did you like this chapter?)

(Cosmo: It was fun! I got to chase Amy for once!)

(Amy: Shut up, Cosmo!)

(Cosmo: I'ma Firin' Mah Lazar!)

(Zap!)

(Amy: Ow! Stop doing that!)


	13. Chapter 13: The Spring Carnival, Part 6

The fortune teller sequence is a sequel to my good friend Charmy15's fortune teller chapter in her story "Amy's Diary." If you haven't read it, please do so before reading this. I know, this is more than a year late. I'll try to update much more often in the future. Thank you for your patience.

HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Thirteen

"Future Unclear, Ask Again Later"

or

"How to Be a Freak In One Easy Lesson"

While Amy was being treated for burns at the first aid tent, Cosmo hid behind a large bush to change back to normal. Cream brought her a change of clothing and her amulet.

"How do I look, Tails?" Cosmo asked a few minutes later after coming out of hiding. She was wearing a t-shirt with the words "IMA DOOFUS" on them. "What does this mean, anyway? Is it someone's name?"

"Uh…okay," Tails said. He looked over at Cream.

"What?" the rabbit asked. _That'll teach her to tell me to fall in love with Tails then come back and take him away from me!_

Amy ran up to them. She had bandages on her back. She hit Cosmo with her hammer. "Burn me will you? Ow! Ow! Ow!" Moving her arms caused her back muscles to stretch right where the burns were.

"I think I'll just go home now," Cosmo said, holding her head.

"Are you serious?" Amy demanded, grabbing her arm. "We still haven't seen everything! Come on!" Tails and Cream looked at each other, shrugged, and followed.

They passed by a series of tents. Carnival barkers shouted out to people walking by.

"Come one, come all!" one cried, waving his cane at them. "See the wild beast of the jungle! Raised in captivity, and so vicious, you'll think he's a normal Earth animal!"

"Sounds scary," Cream said, starting to walk by. Amy grabbed her arm.

"I want to see a wild monster!" Amy cried.

"Not me," Cosmo said. "My people said all animals were vicious! I don't want to be reminded of…" But Amy grabbed her arm with her other hand.

"Come on, Tails!" Amy yelled, dragging the two younger girls with her into the tent. Inside was a cage with straw strewn about on the floor. A hideous, shaggy creature, looking part wolf and part gorilla, snarled at them. He grabbed the bars of his cage and shook them violently. "Rarrr! Rarrr! Grrr! Awoooo!"

Cream covered her eyes with her ears. "I want to go now, Amy!" she said in a tiny voice. Cheese hid inside of her dress.

"What a sad creature!" Cosmo said, looking at the wild beast. "I feel your pain, my poor friend."

The wild beast stared strangely at her, then jumped onto the cage and started screaming.

"Let's go already," Tails said nervously. The beast reached out, trying to swipe them with his huge claws. The four quickly beat a retreat.

"Whew! That really was scary, you guys!" Amy said. "Let's go someplace else!"

As they walked around the back of the tent, the wild beast came out. They all froze. Had he escaped? A carnival worker ran over to him. Was he going to try to put him back in his cage? Should they help?

"Man, it's hot today!" the wild beast said. "Get me a beer, stupid!"

"Yes sir!" the carnival worker said, running off.

The wild beast noticed them staring at him. "What are you looking at? Go on, beat it! I'm not giving away any free shows!"

"Amy, no!" Tails cried, just a second too late.

Pow! "Okay," Amy said, grabbing the girls again. "Let's go!" They ran like crazy.

"You're going to have everyone in the whole place after us!" Tails complained.

"He was rude!" Amy said. "And a big fat faker!"

Now they came across a tent covered with stars and crescent moons. A sign read "Fortune Teller." Amy squealed. "Come on! Let's see what she has to say about me and Sonic!" Again she grabbed the two younger girls and hauled them behind her, while Tails rolled his eyes and followed.

They entered a small, dark room lined with blood red velvet. In the center was a round table with a blue velvet cloth covering it. A crystal ball sat on the table.

"This looks somehow strangely familiar," Tails said, looking around.

"You've seen one fortune teller's room, you've seen them all," Amy said with a shrug. "Where is she, anyway? Hello?"

"What is all the noise out here?" A grey and white wolf came from behind the beaded curtain in the back of the room. She was roughly Amy's size. She wore a purple robe and a white puffy blouse. She had on big gold earrings, and wore a gold necklace covered with stars and moons.

Amy had a vague idea she'd seen this woman before somewhere, but couldn't quite place her. Of course, she was in costume. She probably looked very different in normal street clothes.

"Good day, my fronds," the fortune teller said with an accent. "I am Madame Esmeralda. You are here to know your future, yes? Then gather around my table."

Amy was certain she knew this woman from _somewhere_! She just couldn't remember where.

Madame Esmeralda sat in a satin-covered chair next to the table. She removed a deck of Tarot cards from her robe. "Now, who vishes to go first?"

Amy waved her hand in the air. "Oo! Me! Me!" Why did this seem familiar to her? Talk about déjà vu!

"And what is your name, dahlink?" Madame Esmeralda asked her.

Amy opened her mouth to answer, then suddenly stopped. Something was just too weird about this. "Uh…why doesn't someone else go first?"

"Vell, vhat about the only boy here?" Madame Esmeralda asked, looking at Tails. "Is vun of these lovely young ladies…special to you?"

Tails blushed, as did Cosmo. The fortune teller smiled. "Ah, yes! It is now all so clear! The two of you are…hang on a second." She suddenly lost her accent. "You've got two tails! Where have I seen a fox with two tails before?"

It was just at that moment that Amy put two and two together. "Ut oh!"

The fortune teller looked at her. "Don't I know you from some place?"

"Uh…I was never there," Amy said, looking towards the opening to the tent.

The fortune teller looked back at Tails. "Anyway, I see great love between you and…are you some kind of plant creature?" she asked Cosmo.

"Yes," Cosmo said, "I'm a plant."

"I remember now!" the fortune teller said. "I predicted this two-tailed fox would fall in love with a plant! I was right!"

Amy ducked down and covered her face.

Luckily for Amy, the fortune teller seemed fascinated by Cosmo. "May I read your palm, young…lady?"

Cosmo looked at her hands. "But there's nothing written on my palms!"

"You'd be surprised," the fortune teller insisted. Cosmo finally held out her right hand. "Ah yes. Let's start with the past. I see great tragedy. But I also see great love. And I see…well, this can't be right."

"Wh-what is it?" Cosmo asked fearfully.

"I see death!" the fortune teller said. "But not in your future! In your past!"

Cosmo nodded. "Oh, well, that makes perfect sense. You see, I've been dead for awhile."

The fortune teller fell over backwards in her chair. Cream and Cosmo jumped up and helped her back to her feet.

"You've been dead?" the fortune teller asked Cosmo.

"Is that bad?" Cosmo asked, looking really confused.

Amy grabbed her by her hair and pulled her over to her. She hissed into the plant girl's, er…ear, "I told you to stop telling people you've been dead!"

"Oh, right," Cosmo said. "The living don't like that, do they?"

"Okay, now you're just freaking me out!" the fortune teller said.

"Hey! I remember you!" Cream said. Amy motioned for her to stop. Cream, thinking Amy was waving at her, waved back. "We met you a couple of years ago! Remember, Amy?"

"True," the fortune teller said, nodding, "and…" she looked at Amy. Amy started to back out of the tent, a big grin on her face. "You!" Madame Esmerelda cried. "You hit me!"  
"Yeah, well…" Amy said, backing towards the entrance, "that's a funny story in and of itself!"

"I ought to call somebody to come and put you away!" the fortune teller said. "You're a menace to society!"

"That's not true, Miss Esmerelda," Cream said, placing her hands on her hips. "Amy's very nice once you get to know her."

"I'm sure it won't be necessary to get Amy into trouble, ma'am," Cosmo assured the wolf. "Isn't there something we could do to repay you for what she did?" Cosmo turned to Tails. "Uh…what did she do, exactly?"

"Hit her with her piko-piko hammer two years ago," Tails said.

Cosmo turned towards Amy. "Amy! You shouldn't have done that!"

"Well, anyway," Amy said, trying to back out of the tent again, "um…whoa, look at the time!" She looked at her watch, or at least would have if she'd actually had a watch. Since she didn't, the gesture wasn't too convincing.

"Not so fast," the wolf said. "If I start yelling, my new boyfriend, the carnival strongman will come in here, and he won't be happy."

"Uh…what do you want?" Amy asked, afraid of what the answer might be.

Madame Esmerelda smiled. "Oh, you'll find out, soon enough!"

Soon there were four new additions to the freak tent.

"I can't believe we have to let people gawk at us and call us freaks, just because Amy hit that fortune teller two years ago!" Tails cried, glaring at the sign that read, "COME SEE THE TWO TAILED MARVEL! TRAGIC MUTANT OR SUPERNATURAL KITSUNE? YOU DECIDE!" To look more freakish, he had removed his gloves and shoes, and allowed Cosmo to brush his fur the wrong way, so that he looked like a wild creature. As a family gawked at him, he switched his tails angrily. "What are you looking at?" The group hurriedly left. "If I was a kitsune I wouldn't put with this, I'll tell you that right now!" he muttered.

Cosmo sighed as she sat on a phony giant mushroom. Her normal Seedrian outfit had been replaced with a bikini and a grass skirt, so that she looked like a hula dancer. Hair clasps held her leafy green hair up and out in every direction, allowing onlookers to see that her flowers actually grew out of her head. Since she also had no nose, she attracted a lot of attention, even though she just smiled nervously and bowed once in awhile. "SEE THE CARNIVEROUS SPACE ALIEN PLANT FROM OUTER SPACE!" a sign read. "Space alien from outer space is somewhat redundant, isn't it?" she had asked, only to quickly discover that Tails was the only person there that knew what redundant meant..

Cream had claimed that she really did look strange if she didn't have her ears hang down. She raised them straight up to prove this. The fortune teller wasn't impressed, but when she wrapped one ear around a cup handle and pantomimed drinking from it, Madame Esmeralda quickly came up with a scene for her. Cream now sat on a picnic blanket with a tea pot and several tea cups in front of her, wearing a frilly pink dress covered with ribbons and ruffles, and a matching bonnet. "SEE THE EARS THAT DEFY GRAVITY AND BELIEF!" As people went by, she picked up the tea pot with one ear and poured tea into a cup she held with her other ear. Being Cream, her smiles, waves, and friendly banter soon made her the hit of the freak tent.

Amy hadn't been so lucky. Since she was the most normal-looking of the group, as well as the one the fortune teller was really angry with, she had been forced into wearing heavy make-up and fangs, as well as a werewolf suit that smelled absolutely dreadful. Plus, she was pretty sure, from the way she kept itching, that the outfit was already occupied. A sign read "SEE THE HORRIBLE, LEGENDARY WEREHOG!" Amy made a face. "_Werehog_?" she yelled. "There's no such thing as a werehog! Where the heck did you get that crazy idea from? Playing too many video games?"

"Quiet, you!" Madame Esmeralda said. "I'll be back with my boyfriend, and we'll decide what to do with you, missy!"

"I can't believe we have to do this!" Amy yelled.

"Well, it was either this or get kicked out of the carnival," Cream said, pouring herself some more tea. "Especially after Madame Esmeralda found out how many people in the carnival are mad at us besides her. I didn't know the carnival people all had walky-talkies, did you? More tea, Cheese?"

"Chao chao," Cheese said, making a face. The tea was watered down until it tasted awful, yet, wanting to be polite, Cream was actually drinking the stuff. Not wanting to seem rude, the little chao had been doing the same.

"I'd be happy to go home now," Cosmo suggested. "May we, please, Tails?"

"Sounds good to me," Tails said. "Shall we sneak out or run like crazy?"

"But I'm not finished with my tea yet," Cream said. "Besides, aren't we locked in?"

"Nope," Tails said, opening his cage with a screwdriver. "These locks are so old, I can have us all out of here in five minutes.

"Before anyone asks, no, I don't want to learn how to pick locks," Cosmo said as Tails freed her.

"Can't I finish my tea first?" Cream asked as Tails opened her cage.

"Let me out of here!" Amy shrieked, jumping on the bars and shaking them like a, well, like a werehog.

Tails sweat dropped and backed away from her. "You're really kind of scary looking right now, Amy."

"What?" Amy yelled. "How dare you! I ought to…" Then she slapped her forehead. "What's wrong with my brain today?" She suddenly had a piko-piko hammer in her hands. Bang! Crash! She quickly broke out of her cage. "I should have done that a long time ago!"

"But that made an awful lot of noise, Amy," Cosmo pointed out, looking around. She gasped as she saw Madame Esmeralda coming through the crowd. With her was a gorilla bigger than Big, wearing a fake leopard skin and an even phonier looking handlebar mustache. "I think we should be going now," she told them, backing away from the circus people.

The four started running. Of course, they all stood out in a crowd, so the circus people had no trouble spotting them.

"They're getting away!" Madame Esmeralda cried. "Hey, rube!"

"Hey, rube!" The traditional circus and carnival cry for help, brought out several workers they couldn't help but recognize. Besides two of the judges of the racing events, there was the worker at the ring toss and the one where they'd thrown the baseballs. Amy grabbed Cream's hand. Tails grabbed Cosmo's hand, and the four ran wildly from the desperate carnival folk.

"I think we should fly," Amy suggested. Cream grabbed Amy, Tails grabbed Cosmo, and the four took off over the fairgrounds, soaring high into the sky while Madame Esmeralda and the others shook their fists at them. The fortune teller shouted curses at them, but they didn't exactly sound like Gypsy curses.

"Oh, my, such language!" Cream cried.

"Can we please go home now, Tails?" Cosmo begged.

"I think we should," Tails said, glaring at Amy. "We've pretty much been thrown out of every place around here!"

"But we haven't gone on all the rides yet," Amy said. "And there are a few more events coming up. Don't worry, I'll come up with disguises for us."

Tails and Cream rolled their eyes. "Here we go again!" Tails muttered.

"Well, anyway," Cosmo said, trying to look at the bright side of things, "being with you will never be boring, Amy!"

"Oh, shut up!" Amy yelled.

To be continued


End file.
